:::Monday, February 28, 2005:::
[FYP ( Programming ) Is finally Over.. @ 4:20 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Well.. Work overnight to hope to finish my work but ..hmm. Having low productivity.. I was pushing myself.. doing more than I could in a day... In the end, my server is working , my database is working and currently only 2 of the 28 functions on my client side is working... Haiz...
Hate myself for being so slow... Why can't I be faster??? Why has my productivity drop?
I'm always like this.. lose hope at the near end.. where if i really do it. I could make it.. I was just so sick to complete the left over that i gave up.... Why in the hell would I do that??? Anyone can tell me??
I want to thank Melvin and Samuel for helping me over the night and during the entire FYP proces.. Without their support, I would have not even budge... Thanks guys..
Hahah..... went to "Gay" with Jie Xiong today...hahah..(I'm Straight mind you...) Just play around... His friend call me nescafe guy cos I drink coffee.. Whats up with the coffee anyway... I had not enough sleep... of course i would not be able to stay awake and therefore I need the coffee.
Jie Xiong and Hong Ming had a fight yesterday and they are playing cold war now... And I am sitting between them,.... Wonder would they tear off each other heads if i leave . hahah... Hey...Stop reading my blog.!!! Hong Ming..>!!!!! Grrr.. you see, he is sitting beside my playing game and every now and then he pop his head to see what I am doing... *KIcks*
Decided to give my last boost of energy for the last few weeks in school. I want to make sure that I do my report so well enough that I can score and get an A for my FYP...
Lord.. Bless me and guide me to the path of happiness and laughter.. I need to leave the old.. and move on to new heights...
Not much break.. On top of FYP Report, there is Demo , FSF, WISP, CSC assigments and revisions to do for the up comming examinations...
:::Saturday, February 26, 2005:::
[What a past @ 10:38 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Can you imagine that Its so near to submittion and I was surfing on friendster?? I must be crazy..
I was looking at my class mates.. how they have change after all this years.. Either became a handsome man or beautiful lady.. Felix is so yan dao now and ginny is so chio.. and more andmore... Why do I look so ugly...
I also look at those cadets that I have lead during their years. All become so big now.. Many that i have helped to nurture and part of me is in them... I still remember a few of them who told me that If i wasn't there during their secondary school years, they would not have been what they were today.
Seen my fellow officers... looking at the familier Unifrom.. I miss it... But I have to let go.. my time to serve is over and I have to move to new grounds... to be a better man..
I hope to go on one last parade before I leave.. Wonder if I would ever have the chance to do so.. My effective resignation date is 7th July 2005... They are giving me 6 months to reconsider my decision.
Mdm Ruping went on to be a paramedic.. good for her...
Felix went on to the police force
Sir George got married
I miss my cadets... Haiz
:::Friday, February 25, 2005:::
[I'm so disgusted with myself @ 2:07 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Cannot believe that I wasted my time again... I did not expect that I had to do so much more .. it was like X 2 of what i planned... I decided to go on with the additional function of the sending and recieving and forgo setting and finance package. Haiz... I'm kinda disapointed with myself.. How can I be a programmer without discpline.. What is happening to me..
I finish like half a tub of Chocolate love letters today... Think and eat ... till.. u know... I feel so.. yucky now.. I really need a detox after my FYP.
Tomorrow still got lesson and there is like only 3 days to go. Maybe i should not work at home..too much distraction.. Someone please pei wo do work for at least this last 3 days leh.. or not i really cannot make it...
I really not thinking very well lao.. I can argue over with myself for an more effective system... keep questioning myself if its right or wrong.. haiz..
:::Wednesday, February 23, 2005:::
[are we in another world when we dream?? @ 6:46 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Strange day today.... I slept alot.. when i skip school to do my assignment... haiz... what went werid was the dreams that I have while sleeping... Its all about love.. hahha.. strange.... I can only remember fragments of my dreams... no idea why.. well.. maybe you might have a different opinion of me after that... but Well you are in my darkest relam..
The first dream was like someone I like love... should be love.. cos all the things that I do after that... I think she was in my house... cos i remember my dressing table... next moment... we were like beaten up.. bruise all over.. she was like half naked.. I did not know what I did but manged to let them let go of us.... I took my shirt to cover her and we walked towards the exit.. it was a long and narrow path... we were almost to get out when I think their boss came and say: " where do you think you are going with this beautiful lady" his body guards told our their guns and move forward... we were cornered back in.. those that let us go did not say anything... She was crying and suddenly she scream and took of the shirt and say something like do what ever you(the boss) want and let him go... the next moment all were pointing guns at me and ask me to get out.. while leaving... one said that I should know that i should not do anything stupit if I still want my life... said I knew it the best as I was once like them..
I got out and someone was outside.. a kinda first aider... he fired a signal into the sky.. within minutes.. there were lots of guys taking rubber hose (Wonder if that makes a good wepon) and went in to beat the hell out of the boss.. ( according to the boss, he regreted letting his man leaving him alone... ) the beating was werid... beat lao still can stand up and ask himself what has he done.??? than turned around.. ( like beat lao no feeling like that one.. still strong) asked who made this attack.. I stepped out ( didnlt feel like the older me..) he was saying like who you think you are.. I tried to slam his head on the toliet bowl( did i mention all this happen at an area tat looks like a run down toliet)... But he was strong.. suddenly llike he has holding me close to his body.. and he took out some shiny metal object.. he placed it on my side of my Tummy.. This is when i woke up..
i thinkthat shiny object was a knife in it.. when press a button... the knife will shoot out and stab me...
I feel asleep in 3pm.. to 6.30... this dream also like cuddling and annocing that we are a couple.. there were another couple.. again with love, fights and etc.. and remember someone stab himself with a hack saw... ( I wonder how you do that...) an evil girl... but later soft hearted girl.. was the girl i like?? werid dream... than remember alot of dun make sense things..
Why does this feel so real?
:::Tuesday, February 22, 2005:::
[ @ 11:13 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Hmm.. Just finish watching Taiwan .. Pi li huo... hahah... hmm last 6 espisode... yay.. .finally... but why at this week!!!! anyone have their vcd?? I wanna watch...
Asked pei shan to help me submit the various application form for NTU... Thanks Pei Shan...
Work... Study...leature...
Displayed whatever i had of my FYP to my leaturer... say can pass.. but not an A ... haiz... sian 1/2 ... I going to chiong.. finish this whole thing.. and when i rest, i will feel its worth the rest.. Jia you!!!..
Been watching Power ranger mophing sequence.. wa.. the new power rangers are so cooooooooooollllllll !!!!!! heee... found a new power in me... as a ranger??? hahah
Hmmm had meeting for E club just now... seems that we are really going to do it.. tuesday the vendor comming
oh welll.. time to get back to work .. I'm not going to think of anything else other than FYP for the rest of the week.. Nothing else..
[Sleepy? *nods head* @ 2:22 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Hmm.. worked like hell during the week end.. but did not go far as there was lots of bug.. this HTML cum JSP cum JAVA SCRIPT cum SQL program of mine... really starting to piss me off. I still haven not finish a single function. I hope that with the completion of most of the first function. I could port the rest easily to the rest of the function.. Thats What I hope..
Week end was boring.. No life... Just eat, sleep ,work and TV... lot less than what i used to watch. I miss black hawk down.. Sob sob sob.. was looking forward to watch but.. $#%^(&^#@)^ FYP... oh well.. I'll dig for its VCD...
Monday.. hmmm.. woke up.. so lazy... apply for NUS.. system halfway crash... and it wasn't my fault... they had some error ... Gave up applying for NUS.. I was suppose to meet boon swee in the morning but I was too shag to do so... I decided to meet him in the afternoon.. I was so shag that i did not leave the house till 3.20 when i am suppose to meet him at 3.30.. I ended up taking a cab to school ( I'm fucking rich issit.. what in the bloody mind would i do that.. I still have no answer) .. Only reason I know was that I was asking Boon swee a favor to fill up those forms and I should not be late .. bad impression.. BUT when i reach therem, he was busy and I had to wait for him ...(
#$%&*&%^$@%^&#($&^
carry on doing my FYP till 11 at night in school.. How I wish someone would just pei wo every day for these few days so that I can work and dun feel so bored and so irritated... I'll marry who ever who does that .... hahah... no kidding..
6 days to submittion.. I'm still FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR away from completion... That is bad... i hate it as I was suppose to complete this 2 weeks ago.. Ouch... i just felt a blood vessel blew up in my eyes.. My body is degerating.. I need to finish this fast and get my health back.. Lord.. give me strength to finish this ...
wrote a bull shit essay on legal rights of franchising for my assignment.. research while eating two apples... and wrote it in an hour.. either my authoring skills while writiing the retail book paid off. Or i was really bull shiting..
Lonely and longing for warmth..
Wilson
:::Friday, February 18, 2005:::
[what a mad rush @ 3:18 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Finish... 3 out of 4 assignments today... Plus my registration for NTU, I still have my NUS application and my FYP ...
At least I can let out a breather..I managed to do much of stuff over short period of time.. but at the risk of my body.. and lots of coffee...
:)
:::Thursday, February 17, 2005:::
[Sleepy @ 10:11 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Gosh.. Been on coffee for the last few days.. the only thing keeping me awake is the song that is on the blog.. She will be loved... ahah...Lap top .. I love you.. Surivived with me for 3 years.. when all things fails.. you still stand by me.. thank you... muckz,.... :)
The 3 of us ( 2 WT assignment mates ) and I was so shag today that we could not even think straight.. I drink like 500 ml of coffee...
I will take a break tonight and do my WT and CSC assignment... This just got in.. one of my SFS module mate not going to do his part of his assignment.. Tonight I going to burn midnight oil to finish his part... Oh well.. do more work, Learn more, Think less of non-important stuff like love and play..
Well.. I just have to think.. what would be my reward in the end, Better results, better position for applying University ( Lord.. Please help me.. ), Going to spend a whole day at Ubin with friends cycling the whole day.. have my sushi celebration... I can't wait.. Thinking of it just engerise me.. Yea.. I'm awake now..
Going to start work now...
Jia You..
() () () () [] []
(>_< ) (. _ O) [ ^_^]
() * () () * () [] ^ []
U U U U V V
No idea why I am doing this.. but... heee.. looks cute..
[Maroon 5 @ 10:06 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
She Will Be Loved
by Maroon 5
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times
but somehow
I want more
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterfliesI
t's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain,
ohLook for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
[Messy... @ 1:26 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Let me destress... dun read unless you are super bored..
I'm not too sure how I am feeling now... I came home at 10.30 and watch TV for 2 hours straight( Despite the creeping dateline) It was like ER and Without a trace on TV 5.. both protray death.. One even had a heart and lung transplant and they show how those body was cut open and etc.. started reminding me of my paramedic days... Should I have left SJAB in the first place.. Should I have forgon my Paramedic dream because of short commings, when the organisation is in trouble, am I a coward to face those challenge??
I remember I started heading the organisation with out any knowladge.. It was hell as I did not know how to do anything but just went on and stumble and learn stumble and learn... Where is that passion now? I left because I'm tired, I'm defeated, I want PB, I was lost, I wasn't thinking straight? Cos of FYP, cos I panic, God I hate myself.. Why did I forgo my service to mankind...
I really have no idea what is happening... in Without a trace.. I saw the policeman, A step family but still so loving while I find only emptyness in my own family.. one by one , Death or illness.. My Dad left early... I never really got to know him well.. He died when i was so young that i could not even know him other than he comes home every day tired and I was damm irritating and damm spoilt... My grandma who dotes me the most, I always make her angry and when dad died, she moved out and I hardly visited her.. The last time that I saw her was on near death ... she was so skinny.. so tired.. yet happy to see us... I wonder if we should have visited her... cos the very next day she passed away.. and I haven visit her grave yet... 2 yrs already.. I dun dare to... my uncle passed away last year with lung cancer.. Smoking kills..Never ever smoke.. no matter for what reason.. never ever smoke...God must be playing a trick on me.. Lord.. you know very well i can never convert to christian till my death bed as I am the only son of the family.. Please dun let them leave me one by one..
The house may be big.. so what... Its so empty.. Its like a hotel... come home.. sleep and next morning you go out till night... Even if i am home, there is no one else.. my sis and her husband are so busy its like a hotel to them as well.. my mother... a heartless person..I dun blame her as she has to take care of the family while nursing the wounds of death one after another... I don't even spend like 2 hrs with her in a week. When was the last family outing we ever had... none in the past 5 years..
I hate myself for not knowing my dad when i was younger.. I did not cry doing the whole funneral and walk away when i was suppose to pay respect.. I hate myself for doing that.. I even though it was fake.... Damm..
My aunty now with mental depression and I doing the same thing that I always do.. Stay away.. not that I dun want to do anything but I just dun know what to do.. I see my mother so strong,. while I , a first aider for over 8 years.. just dumb founded... Shit...
I'm not suprise to come out with a conclusion that the reason why i might be so desp. for gf when i was younger was due to the fact that I could not find love at the correct places and look elsewhere.. and this resulted in a very seperated family... so what if I could take care of so many kids, or a gf, or a organisation when I cannot take care of myself and my family...
I want to change.. I need to change.. I must change.. but I have no idea how.. my dreams ... ambitious... to let relationship in... PB had all the right to break up with me..l. I admit I did not take care of her well..
Why do humans need feelings and emotion.. Computer.. its either a Yes or No.. either this or that.. why can;t life be so easy.. or be programmed... Yes or no... do this or do that.. no feelings.. no second thoughts... no scolding and cursing oneself after doing things that you dun want to..
I know what I am suffering now cannnot be compared to alot of people out there ... I know NLP , I know What I am suppose to do.. But I'm tired of that life of I must do this.. I must do that.. I must study.. I must do training.. I must Imust i must... fuck this I must.. I'm tired.. I want to just let go everything... and have a new life.. a new direction.. a new meaning to it.. I dun want to be held back.. I want I want I want...
SUn shine person.. How can I every be such a person.. no matter now much advice I did tell people or serve the citizens of SG or SJAB... to my kids.. all my it can be done talk ..It really tiring ...
:::Wednesday, February 16, 2005:::
[Wonder why i am so happy today... @ 12:07 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
squeezing out brain juice like never before.. 13 days before project submission... Scared... :( oh well.. do my WT assignment, do my FYP and went for 2 leatures today.. that was lots of work..
Sian.. heard my mentor say he help me check my results on the level and say i top 20% .. what the shit.. why not top 10% ... i got to work harder for my FYP and i might just hit roughly 10% ... Lord.... please watch over me... Papa.. I need your help more than usual...
Yue Hui replied to my tag board today.. frankly I have no idea who she is and I had never seen her before but when I saw her blog and what was in it.. (Wonder if I was allowed to do so anot). my heart just went out to her... I felt like what she was feeling.. the world is just agains us and realise that I am not the only one around here who has this problems... we need to get on with life or we are never going to excape from this hurdle.. Jia you bar yue hui, and all those who feels that the world is againts them.. we are in this same boat... give each other strength and we can cross this hurdle.
Win the soccer bad.. $40 extra.. now to do my next step... save half play half.. 1 step forward to getting my dream bicycle.. can't wait.... heee
not much feelings to write as I only have one feeling in me.. MY FYP... OH MY BELOVED FYP... LET ME COMPLETE YOu..hahah... . _<
:::Monday, February 14, 2005:::
[My Worst V day in my entire life @ 11:31 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Call me a jerk if you want.. I still cannot forget her.. She is just too rooted into my life and there is nothing in this world that can replace her.. never... I bet she must be out with that fucking asshole sob.. hope he dies soon...
Celebrated with my Laptop .. Running out of steam on my project.. I getting slower and slower day by day.. i'll push on till the end... lord.. show me the way to the light...
Bought my first soccer bet today.. Young lions vs some werid china soccer team.. hahah.... $1.85 ... paid 50 for it... hope i win something
I feel so tired.. maybe due to the lack of excercise... and without her... URgh.... why does life have to be so bad for me... I know i got to move on.. but i still want her more than anything else..
:::Sunday, February 13, 2005:::
[Another day has passed @ 12:47 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
:::Friday, February 11, 2005:::
[17 more days to FYP @ 3:16 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Well.. i'm getting more and more afraid that i can't finish.. I keep telling myself that I can finish it by sunday so that I got time to the other sections. Feeling alittle sad that i'm no longer a UG officer but i guess i have to move on.. as much as i want to move on, there is a part of me longing for the past.
Skipped my 3-5 class today.. After all, i'm suppose to submit my assignment today but i have got it done yet... I think i can afford to excape for another lesson but pray hard that i dun get debarred for this.
Sitting here with Jie xiong at the convention hall to do assignment so i decided to stop by and blur out everything..
Last few days was not really a good days for me. I don;t have anything that can brighten my day... This is a very interesting year as that i left immed. after reunion dinner with the reason that i want to do my FYP. Even though it was part of the reason, another reason was because i have nothing to say and i did not want to say anything either. What do i have to do to be lifely again... What do i have to do to make me happy again?
FYP FYP FYP... Maybe if i work really hard for my FYP and do a very very good job, i'll rest happily after that
make myself happy...
:::Tuesday, February 08, 2005:::
[It been a long time @ 9:28 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Hi guys... I wonder if there is anyone who comes in here to read this anymore... After All, blog would not be popular for long...
Well.. Still working on my FYP.. Seems that I'm really behind time... None of the application is considered finalised... its another 20 days to go.
Well.. Today is Chinese new year but I still dun feel any better.. I left early as i did not want to speak.. in fact i did not want to talk or see anyone.. its not their fault.. I just wanted time on my own...
I must be getting used to be alone.. dont like to have ppl around me anymore.. I just want to be in my own world.. even though i know this is wrong.. sub consious I'm still doing it...
Everyone knows how to get me out of this mess but it seems that it will never come possible as that person does not know
