:::Friday, December 31, 2004:::
[What a morning and afternoon... @ 2:10 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
I was suppose to wake uo at 7.30am but end up I only drag myself out of bed at 8.45... I'm suppose to do the brand new day thingy.. but Screwed up again. got to school at 9.45.(I was suppose to be at school at 9.00) Oh well.. My friend did not even do anything while I was not around..Man.. I hate this...
Attended WISP Leaturer.. Today's topic was on War and Peace. Well... Didn't listen much as I was meddling with my laptop and was talking to Lina... :P Sorry Leaturer... Well.. We also watch two movies on war and how it really looked like.. One example was the movie "Saving Private Ryan"... Damm Disgusting... See all the body parts flying around.. Trust me.. Without my SJ experience.. It cann really turn some ppl off.
Suppose to meet Miss Yeng at 2. Looks like i'm going to be late.. Its not really my fault.. I was walking down the overhead bridge before I slip and fell( what damm luck). Lucky i fell in my butt... My laptop.... haiz... still working... but got to be careful.. No cracks but hope it still works. My new bag turn black due to the black water... haiz... MY NEW BAG!@!!!! I still have the pain on my spine and sitting down still hurts. My right hand is swollen due to the deep cuts that I had on it.. I still cannot control my 3rd 4th and 5th finger well.. haiz...
This is the last day... and I'm Still so unlucky.... What the fuck is happening.... Urgh...
:::Thursday, December 30, 2004:::
[Another day has passed.... @ 7:32 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Well.. hmm... Woke up today only to find out that the workers ain't coming today to fix on the table tops for my kitchen... Mum was so pissed with the workmanship that the company had.. $2000 for the cabinets... I think it only cost a few hundreds... haiz.. I believe you can image how that bad it is.
Waiting the Yong Wei to call me to settle the book.. he told me that he will be hopping over to my house to settle the book.. Well.. For your info.. I tried calling him but untill now HE IS STILL NOT REPLYING MY CALLSSSSS!!!!!! Grrr....
Well.. Moving ahead with my FYP... Well.. My Panasonic x68 HAS NO DRIVER MANAGER... called panasonic to confirm that ... haiz.. brought the wrong phone again.. how the hell would I know that not all phones have Driver Manager loaded into them. Kinda dumb.. Its only like another 20-30 lines of code.. .They are so lazy... hahah... :P
End up I borrow Shu jian's phone for the week end for testing. Bo bian.. Looks like I have to sell my x68 to get another nokia phone. I interested to get an x70.. got blue tooth. Bigger screen, got other screen and Flash light and etc.. but.. haiz... must spend $$ again.. Anyone here got $$ want to sponser my project..hahah Well... eat less loh.. .Haiz.. this project so expansive.. Expansive lesson.
Still having problem trying to concentrate.. Maybe I should excercise more.. I still feel that Stone in me.. Wonder when it will be remove (When she comes back to me?? Most prob. bar..) I didn't SMS to her today. She's prob with someone outside now.. Can't blame her. She wants carefree life. All I can hope is that she is happy and safe. Thats all I ask for. I'll back off awhile for me to cool down ... Don't want to give her anymore stress.. When she is ready, she will contact me.. If she never contacts me again. Means.. Wen Sheng is taking care of her.. Well.. Poly, Breakup and cannot patch.. hmmm.. Reminds me of the dream that I had. *srugs*
Got a headache trying to understand why Shu jian phone cannot read SMS from SIM card.... After doing so long..I was so stupit.. My SIM Card has no memory cos I deleted everything before passing it over to shu jian.... Of course cannot read.... cos there was nothing to read. I enabled Handphone flash memory as well.. so I could read all the SMS . Nothing wrong with my coding.Its a Simple mistake.. I should add that in my Analysis...
Not eating well for the past few days.. (Surviving of Potato chips and Instant noodles) Who care right?? Tummy not really feeling the best now... *poisoned by High Salt intake* well.. No one cares anyway...
I already Masted how to play a the funeral song from Naruto Anime on the piano.. I must have played like over 10 hrs over the past few days..I pity my neighbours.. Sorry... I just have that song on my head andI'm trying to get it out... Promise that it will stop soon?? heee... Suminasay...
SMS everyone to meet on Sunday.. only Sam and Jia wei reply.. hmmm..that's strange... what happen to the rest?? Got washed off by the tusumi?? :X
:::Wednesday, December 29, 2004:::
[Its just a song @ 8:51 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Well... I dun mean the I dun want you back part.. Its part of the song.. but I dun mean that part.
I dun hate you either... You want to be friends... I also just want to be friends... Fate shall place us together again if we are really meant to be...
You already dun even reply my sms anymore.. so oh well..
[Fuck It (I Dun want you back) @ 6:16 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Haha... Love this song.. Damm crude... Well.. The front part is how I feel.. Describe so clearly... now its really.. Fuck it...
Situation has changed.. Its now a race againts time.. The stone that weights me out has to be removed. Miss Yeng called me.. This is panic time.. Haiz.. Alot of replanning has to be done
Daniel back out as acting OIC .... Now I have to take back this again. haiz...
Watch movie .. but still cannot get the stone out
Slept for 18 hrs.. miss all my lesson today... haiz... going to get warning letter
:::Tuesday, December 28, 2004:::
[Am I turning gay?? @ 2:12 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Haha.. To think about it... I think I am... I have no longer any interest in any girls. Not even on the streets.. My friend nearly killed me just now cos he was trying to bird watch and I was going like...Ya... um.... orh... Huh... I spend time with lots of guys now.. My all Guy Clan, Yong Wei , Ent. Group like Adrian, class mates like samuel and melvin, SJAB ppl like Daniel and gang.. Other than San Dong and Samantha... Who I dun really treat them as girls.. Cos an All guy gang..
I begining to stop watching shows that have ladies and I tend to turn away from a ladies also.. Poor sales lady... I just walked away..
I still talk to my lady cadets but most of the time is either bonding or work... Friends whom I meet on the streets which is really just Hi and Bye..
I been watching Central more than anything else .. Kids Central and Discovery... hahah... Well.. There is no ladies inside anyway... just cartoons and animals.. kinda yucky just now... got one lizard squirt blood from eye... Puke...
[Tired... @ 2:03 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Came home feeling cold and headache..I used up just too much of my strength today doing all the stuff.. Never used myself till such an extend ... Brain nearly exploded... Oh well.. Who care if it explodes right?? Not as if anyone will come and put humpty dumpty back again.
Well. I just bath and watch TV and play game for the rest of the night.. I need to conserve usage for tomorrow.. haiz.. I dun want to burn out so early.Want to burn out, Have to wait to march where the FYP is finished.
She takes it so well.. While I still dream... No.. Not dream... While I still have my nightmare... I still can't take the look of the photos or even a TV show of any Ladies involved.. I guess I'll be a gay for alittle while longer...*shugs*
:::Monday, December 27, 2004:::
[Just another day.... @ 8:54 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Just had my dinner and now starting on my FYP. Hope to complete all my research session today. Well. I spent alot today.. thats bad...
$5- Cab
$5- Breakfast
$3-Lunch
$3- Dinner
haiz... spend like money like water like that... I want my kitchen back so that I can eat home food again... Haiz...
So after lunch, I went to meddle with my blog.. Notice the song has changed?? hee... Well. Its really a nice song..I'm going to learn how to play this song tomorrow on my own piano... I listen till I think i got more or less the keys.
Daniel arrived about 4.30 and we discuss our plan (Tok cock more) till 8.30... laugh untill tummy and Cheek pain... crack so much jokes and esp. about Kakashi joke.. Those naruto fan... who wants to know... leave me a tag. hahah
Well.. he stayed with her again today.. I dun even know if we would ever be able to go out again. it seems like so far now... she does not even concentrate on the conversation anymore. haiz... what can i do...
[Headache @ 2:04 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Just had my lunch... What a day.. I woke up at 7.40am.. Late again... Haiz.. have to meet moony at 8.30am... end up have to take cab over...Haiz.. so expansive... When I went over.. Haiz.. Moony pass me the stuff but I have no idea how to show adrian... Its all half done... haiz... date due lao.. still like that... Bo bian...Well, Had Big breakfast for breakfast. well, I wanted to have a place to sit down while I could read till 10++ so that I can go down to meet adrian. There was this siao uncle talking to me.. I hack care him... talking about donation... Why should we donate... Haiz... He sounds dammed pissed...
I notice I feel like puking everything i drink Mac. coffee...Esp if i put extra creamer... hmm...
Went over to adrian there...showed him what we have..he also sian 1/2 .. who will not... Urgh... Hate that feeling... We just talk and talk and talk and try to see what we can do.. Haha... he keep going "sae le sae le..." (Meaning Die lao ...)
Looking at the amount of work.. I dun think i'm ever going to rest again.. I dun want to have work.. I promise to keep myself free... for her... but this yong wei... just dumped everything to me... fucking hell... wait she said i dun keep my word... haiz.. dun know lah.. I just have to do cos he told adrain i now incharge of the book.... I dun want to be incharge of it.. but he say no choice... haiz..
[Hate Memory Flashes.... @ 1:53 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Went throught what I should be transfering to my desktop so that I can format my Laptop... I saw alot of her pictures and stuff that is her in my laptop and something that caught my attention. The wallpaper that she created for me... Haiz... Suddenly My mind starts to flash back again.. I can't Stop these flashes... Why can I take care of her when I'm Important to her... Urgh...
I seriously hate myself... Being so fucking retarted... I can have everything in this world but her... And I hate to be so weak.. so desperate.. .so fucking idoit...
Can I knock my head so that I can forget everything....
:::Sunday, December 26, 2004:::
[Low Concentration @ 6:56 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Hmm.. It took me a whole 2 hrs just to write down what I need to do.. and did alot of non needed stuff during that time too.. Wonder where my concentration went to... I remember Tony robbins said about Pleasure and Pain issue... I cannot find that pain.... to make me work harder.... thats bad... haiz.... I have written out what I need to do but not a detail plan yet.. I'm going to take a bath now and eat my dinner before starting on detail planning.... Must do it...
I'm going to buy diet pills... My mother warned me not to do so but despite that.. I need to lose weight... Haiz... Heard diet pills got lots of side effects... well.. one step at the time.. I need to lose weight before NS starts .
[Boxing Day... @ 2:17 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
What boxing day, I didn't even recieve any presents on christmas day... other than the one I bought for myself... (Pizza..) I can't box pizza right?? Oh well.. .Sucky Christmas... I hate every minute of this christmas.
I get to get moving... Yong Wei mention that if I ever wanted to get out of this shit... I need to take the first step of getting out ....
Going to have to replan my plans for the next few months. I need to get out of my comfort zone.
I can stand strong to anything other than matters to heart. Why??? A leader...affected by feelings..... Will cause the rest to suffer as well... URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SMS her like hell lao she still not replying my sms... What does she expect from me... I know I didn't tell her about the camp... Who knows what happened during then... I know lots of thing happen on my side but I haven had a chance to talk to her yet... For the whole week... Haiz......... Heard she went out with HIM..... asshole.....
Anyone here tried out loving someone but the person just won't love you back?? She was different.. She was loved.. Just that she didn't feel it... and expect me to know... hell would I know... I'm not a computer who can read your mind...
I don't want to think about it.. I Just want to settle my book,clan,SJGroup,FYP and all others. Who needs love anymore.. I be stone cold untill NS over... I be stone cold still someone wants me again... I hate love... I hate you...I hate everyone who hurt me... I hate this life... I hate this world...
I need to find a restart button to press and get restarted again.. The only way to do so is to find a new pillor of support. But the more I look for it, the more I feel desolated...
Plan Plan plan plan plan ... Success is making a initivative to plan, calculated risk and success.....
Where is my fighting spirit... Where is my fire... I'm in total darkness... I need the light... Darkness is engoufing me... I losing my strength every day that i Speak of...
Can anyone be my light at this dark times???
:::Saturday, December 25, 2004:::
[Take a look at this... @ 10:33 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Take a look at this....
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/ddautta.php
[Christmas @ 5:21 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Well, This is the most boring christmas I ever had. Stayed at home the whole day, No one at home except me and my lap top. First Christmas spent without Peibing. She is still happy partying away while i sit here to rot. Its not so bad... Get to rot.. I haven rot for a long time. just sit down... you know .. do nothing.. Watch TV ...ordered pizza for lunch and dinner... hahah... this is life.. no stress, no worries, nothing at all. I just want to foget about SJAB, Peibing, School Work, Life problems.. Just let go..... Let it all go.....
Listening to Linkin Park - Pushing me away... (Reanimation Version)
I love that song.. the lyric is just so right .... Everything is just pushing me away...
:::Friday, December 24, 2004:::
[Pre Christmas @ 9:16 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Slept at 4am this morning. Never ever plan for a camp without doing your project first. Lucky I was "Trained" by the camp to take long hours.
My phone rang at 8.15am... As usual.. Late again. I was suppose to be the one presenting... Die...Rush to class only to find out that my leaturer decided to postpone it to 2 weeks later... Grrr.... "Too Good" Student for him lao
Went to WISP Module after that. We were talking about race and critism. We were reading a forum... man... that poster was damm pissed...
SMS Every Instructor if they interested to watch Stephen Chow Movie. But only Sam, Daniel,Sandong and lizhi reply say okie to watch. Nic going to watch it with his Collegues and JW and JH did not answer... the two J (j=jokers) heee... No hard feelings..
SMS Finish.. .I SEE DANIEL BESIDE ME!!! GHOST!!!! PENGz.... Well, we planned to meet up at my house but he was at the bus stop outside Ngee ANN!!!!! scary...
Well, reached home to see that everyone was leaving the house ( Second sis going for meditation camp , Mami going to work)
House Under renovation, So I had to come back and watch them
Well, This uncle is much better than the last one that came to access the situation. you see, There is a problem with the circults in the kitchen.Every time i wash the floor, it house get short circult. Something must have went wrong during the hacking of tiles during the renovation.
Spend the rest of the day with daniel, eat and play pool... we 2 skills went down the drain...
well.. came home to zzz till next morning
:::Thursday, December 23, 2004:::
[I'm more confused than ever. @ 10:37 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
I thought this camp would be a leisure camp and I can take a break. Looks like I'm wrong. I'm now more confused than ever. I failed in the camp as well. I messed up my feelings as well. I neglated Pei Bing as I couldn't SMS in camp. Urgh... What the fucking hell am I doing to myself??? Why am I feeling so Messed up???
I just wished that there is a reset button somewhere that I can press and everything will be wonderful again
Peibing is out with Wen sheng again. How much more I can take ...
Listening to EverClear- Everything is wonderful now.
I just wish to really open my eyes again and everything is wonderful again.
::::Lyrics ::::
http://www.lyricsdomain.com/5/everclear/wonderful.html
[My review @ 3:24 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Well, I did consider for the last few days about the possiblilty of it happening. Only time will tell. Buts its all ST. John. Nothing else. Believe me. After this camp, high chance the amount of communication will dropped to very low. Over the next few days I'll keep a low profile and see what happens. Interest is still a problem and it not part of the expectation. I still have NS and there is just too many things still so unclear. haiz. Maybe i should just give up. Nar. I'll let nature takes it course. Its also too early to go back into it . especially it was a 2 yrs issue. I'm just gullable. Understand the concquenses if this goes wrong.
[Daniel Review @ 3:19 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Mindset
Attitude
Limiting Mindsets
Objective and goals
Support
[Camp review ... @ 2:58 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
I really need a break. A fresh start. It seems that I can't even get the objective right anymore. Without an Objective, Any activity goes no where. Its bound to fail if there is no objective and we should work towards that objective.
Second problem . My cadets are just so hook up with their own gang. Shu jian and Zhong Hwee was so neglated while Celeste and gang did their own stuff. We tried to tempt them together by using water bombs but they still did not work together in the end. Haiz.. Another failed atempt.
Even my instructors are also hooking up into their own gang. I had to keep calling meetings to get them together.
It should be when you are hungry and you are going out to buy food, Ask all the instructor.
It should be always in a one group. Get anyone who is not in your group to join your group.
I posted this question to my instructors. If we are going to work with each other and not know the person under the skin, what makes this team substainable when i'm in NS?
Conflicts begains with miscommunication. If we don't know each other well enough, What makes us different from the cadets we keep nagging when we too do the same?
Sexism is still a problem with the instructors and the cadets. Sandong was also quite left out. Despite my attempts to get my instructors together.
It takes two hands to clap. I hope that my meeting yesterday with them would wake them up.
Had a water game with my own instructors after my cadets sleep. It seems that they like to sabo me. hahah Highest rank must sabo attitude. But we get to know some stuff like sandong has a need to do more planning. Jun hao 's idea is to be more of an leaturer than an instructor and many more.
I carry the team with me. Its my wish and its my job. I'm Still here because of them and will always be for they are the people that when I'm in need, They are here for me.
:::Tuesday, December 21, 2004:::
[Sleepy... @ 4:25 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Slept from 7-11am... 4 hrs only.. Damm Tired now. Well...This is my last event with SJAB that I'm going to organise. After this, I'll step down and let daniel handle the corps. *Trip Down memory lane* I haven finish my Tutorial at that time. Haiz. Went to School to copy. Its not really my fault. This Tutorial needs research which you have to go onto the internet. I learn my lesson. I'll never wait till the last minute to do my tutorial again. Well today's tutorial was kinda short. Finished the whole damm thing in 1/2 an hour time.
Went to canteen 3 for a break and had a cup of coffee and 2 pcs of Roti Prata. The curry sucks.. Even Maggi Mee Seasoning pack is better than it. x_X Pei Bing came over later to take my Zircon Phone. Well, I did'nt know how to react. So I put up my Hack care attitude again.. Haiz.. Hope I did't give her a wrong impression again
[What a day... @ 5:42 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
What a day it was today. I didn't know that I had to go to school today till Melvin told me. I was shocked because I planned to do so much other things..But In the end, All never do. Haiz.. Need to practice control and discpline for my timetable.
I message Peibing today. Sms going to sky high lao. My phone bill is $70++ at the moment. Haiz. Well, I know she like my zircon phone because there are alot of games in it .As I would not be using it for the next few months( Using my panasonic x68 at the moment. ) I decided to lent it to her to help me safe guard, and let her play with it. Meeting her on tuesday 12.30 pm at the library to pass it to her.
San Dong called me later asking if we could stay overnight in school on tuesday. I didn't manage to call Miss Yeng yet. So I told her after her work shift, I will call her again. Well.. After that we talk trash. Hahah... She was eating Tom yum flavored Instant Noodles. Yuckz... Hahah ...Kinda.... erm... Hate that taste. hahah. She was eating her dinner. (Guess what time it was.. 3pm). While talking trash. I went to ask her what to wear for school.I'm worse than a girl.. Take so long to chose a shirt to wear. Its not really my fault. Hestitating to wear the normal stuff to school. Want to look different. End up wearing Ngee Ann ICT Shirt instead. HAHAH.....
I was late for the FYP Briefing. Lucky for me, the projector spoil. So I didn't miss much when I reach there. Heng. Quite crapy Briefing cos the FAQ was more like common sense question. But the motivational talk was good. Copied down alot of main points. I like the speaker as well. Singaporean way of speaking but still able to capture our hearts. He always says that he is like our father... Made me miss my father. I wonder how different I would be if my dad was still around. Would the family be more loving?
Went to watch National Treasure After that at Clementi. I was so hungry that I bought a 2 pcs chicken meal and a large colstraw ... yum.. But I made the whole entire theater smell like chicken. hahah.. My friend mouth watered all the way.
The show was quite lame as .... No way anyone can obtain such a treasure at the first place and it took over 3 generation to get to the treasure. The actress is kinda cute....hahah.. Ops... She just have a pretty face thats all.. nothing more. the Main actor also quite brainy... Nicholes cage. well.. I like the director way of filming. Able to me keep to the edge of the seat while there isn't any fast pace action.
This is where i get super busy.
Went to meet Celeste and Shu jian to go over the orientation program one more time. This is to prevent any major changes again after the rehersal. They have to squeeze their timing as they only have 2 days to settle the activity. we disucss from 11-12.30 . Sandong had to wait for me to finish talking to both of them before i could call her to settle the gathering issue.
Haiz.. got nagged by Miss yeng.. Long Story.. dun want to type..hahah...
Celeste was so red.. she looks eatable. hahahah I notice that all 3 of us wore the same type of specs as well. Scary.. hahah
Had to walk home later on as there was no bus. along the way, I nearly got stopped by the police. I must have looked like a gangster.. hahaha
Spoke with San dong till 1.20 am ... She was so tired.. she could not even talk properly. hahah... Oh well. at least we settled our stuff. Might be going over to her house to prepare the gathering stuff on tuesday night.
Called Daniel to tell him the agenda of discussion and get him to submit the outcome by tomorrow.
I thought I was going to sleep very late today. So I drank coffee to keep awake. Its not that I dun want to sleep now. Its I cannot sleep. Coffee was the extra strong type. haiz... regret...
re do my FYP proposal so that I could add on what I researched on during my Holidays. I thought there would be alot of things to add on but there wasn;t .... Got cheated... I wrote most of the things the other time.
Settled the Gathering schedule and the Food stuff. By that time, My eyes hurt quite badly so I decided to sleep and do the rest tomorrow but I cant sleep cos the coffee effect is still there. Sian.. So here I am updating my blog cos I can;t get to sleep.... WaH@!!!!!
Looks Like I still can;t leave as aplanned.. Daniel still wants me to settle a few more stuff. After settling those stuff. I going to concentrate on my FYP.
Hmm.. Dun know what Peibing was doing the whole night.... I want to know.. :P... Hope she not angry that I made myself busy.ITs not really my fault. My horoscope says that I'll be very busy this week...
:::Monday, December 20, 2004:::
[Morning Attack @ 1:29 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Attacked my Memory flashes again. I hate this type of things. Tauting me at something that I cannot get.It just flashes without my control. Hugging her, Joking with her... All just started flashing again. Urgh...
She says I'm important to her... Yet She is just not willing to patch up. I really have no idea why... Is wen sheng really what she wants? Is she talking to me and saying all this just because of Guilt? I have no idea.. The solution was simple to both side. Just patch up. But she doesnt want. Urgh..
I don't know how long I can go on taking this...
[Death Is only the removal of the soul trapped in a body. @ 1:01 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
First Page of Home section of the Straits time Singapore. Grace Chow. a 32 year old computer programmer, left us yesterday to meet the lord. She was diagnosed with a rare tumor three years ago. She strong Willpower let her do the impossible . Writing a book, a blog, and so much more.
Let us have a minute of silence in reflection of Grace Chow.
Her Blog Site is
http://dyingis.blogspot.com
[What A day... @ 1:12 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Woke up at 11 today. I had no idea why I woke up at that timing. All I remember I fell asleep while writing my Telemarketing chapter. I woke up thinking :"What should I be writing..." Well.. I wanted to finish the chapter last night but untill now its still not finished.
Suppose to meet Daniel, Sandong and Nic at One pm to discuss about the Gathering we are having. Well we could not have it after christmas as we would not be able to camp. The teachers are busy preparing for 2005. We would also be busy preparing for 2005 as well. In the end, We plan for it to happen on wed to thursday 1.30-11am next morning. Daniel was quite pissed off as we could not do it on the date earlier plan. Well, We have to be flexible. Its not possible to have the best of both world. Futhermore this is a last minute thingy. We should be grateful that we have the school to camp.
We settle all our planning by 5pm. I feel that my time settling skills not good enough. Need to train on them as well.
San dong, Nic and I later went over to NTUC to look at the price for what we wanted to get for the camp. Well, Not so bad, Nic and Sandong can get quite well, even thought Nic can be really irritating at times.
Went to meet Yong Wei Later.. You should see how he look like.. Short hair.. I'll post this into "In my eyes" tomorrow when I get back my Lap top Back. Over at CC, I typed half of my Proposal and watched Naruto.
Cannot believe this. All the sec 2 and 3 are in sentosa!!! we wanted to plan an outing there but they already had one there!! we are too late. worse still. .they bor jio.. Hmph...
Went to meet moony later with yong wei to see the progress of the comic book. (Seems that my horoscope is right. Say I will have lots of things to do this few weeks ). Seems that Yong Wei is quite happy with our work. We went to eat Nasi Lemak after that. It was suppose to be the famous in the hawker center. you should have seen the queue.. The Nasi Lemak was good. Love the chili, Rice, ikan, chicken and egg.. as good as saying like the whole thing... hahah
Rest the bus stop to take bus back at 11.30. Yong Wei and I waited for the bus to come for like 30 mins but there wasn't any!!!.. Only saw alot of bus service 240. It was a omen.. I had to take cab. Pay a total of 10 bucks for that.. haiz..
Message Peibing a few times today but she did not reply. Didn;t dare to ask her why on sms cos I promised her to be friends first. Scared wait I frighten her again. Well. Later on MSN, She say she though she sms me back.. Win lao.. Haiz...
MSN daniel just now.. Wa.. I cannot stand him. We are good friends but bad partners. We have really closely bonded yet in terms of work. He has to understand that he is holding Acting OIC now. With Power, Comes responsibilty. Wonder how I am going to install that into him. He goes like I have my way, he has his. This is bullshit. So how am I suppose to work with him if he does things all his way. Am I suppose to entertain him? I'm not saying my way is 100% right. But neither is he. My job is to teach the officers . I want him to reflect on what he says. Its his ego that is going to kill him. I don't want to later get bitten on my tail saying that I did not help him or what ever reason that he thinks. If he is not doing what is needed to be done, than I have to advice him. Its my job. Haiz.. This is going to be hard. At least Samantha Listens. But Daniel? haiz.
:::Sunday, December 19, 2004:::
[Don't Delay,Stand Up... @ 2:04 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Yong Wei is finally back in SG!!! Tekong was reported sinking because he gained weight while doing is extra 2 month due to obesity. Interestingly how did he do that... Yong Wei is the only one who understand me as he went through the same problem that I have.. Not all but he kinda understand me because he made the effort to (The only friend who has ever do that) and I have been working with him for the past 3 years.
I poured out my problems. Basically... we agreed that what happen was I was doing things without a goals. No purpose. I had not plan what I wanted in life.
Another point was that I burned out. All the problems could have been avoided if I knew what I wanted and what was my priority to it.
I kept limiting myself. I have to be 101% responsible for the goals I made.
Practice good time management, Set time for everything and nothing should override each other based on priority.
Once that is done, I have to pay the price to make it happen. Even its hard, I still must look forward as Its the ending that rewards.
Priority
1) Studies
2) Family
3) Pei Bing (Special Friend )
4) Yong Wei and Gang ( They have been the one that supported me when I needed them)
5) Daniel and Gang ( I am indebt to them for their assistance to supporting the Information Hub)
6) My Dream to be an Ent. and be able to make lots of ppl happy.
7) SJAB
I'm going to re edit my goals again later (after I finish writing the Telemarketing Chapter). This time round I'm going to plan even more deeper.
Why I placing friend more important? Cos its usless to be everything without friends and family. Good friends. Best Friends..
I'm happy that Peibing still reads my blog everyday.She says she still wants to know what happen to me. She can't stop herself from going into my blog.
I made an agreement with her. We be special close friends. As super good friends, We care for each other , go out , chat. We can know what happen to each other everyday. I just want her to be happy and well. Thats most important. No use to be steads if she is not happy. I just want her to smile again. The cheerful self. The happy self. The Peibing that I used to know. The one that I can chat with her over the phone all night about nonsenses. We two are suppose to be the nonsesnse kings and queen. After got into a relationship to her, I forgot all about nonsensing because I didn't know what to do, went into a relationship too fast to understand what she wanted.
We were both hurt. We need time for those wounds to heal. If Fate permits, We might get back again after some time.. Not too soon.. we will just take this slowly. I leave this to gods hands. But This time, I'm sure, mistake of the past will not happen again.
God knows whats the best for both of us..(Prays Hard)...
I cannot keep staying down. I still her as a friend support. Still part of the beam. If I keep staying down, I'm only destroying the beam. By the time I know it, Its gone. I have to be strong for her, for my gangs, for life.
:::Saturday, December 18, 2004:::
[What a lousy day @ 4:55 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Woke up at 7am in the morning. I was so tired but my tummy hurt quite badly. It felt like someone stabbed me in my tummy. I should be happy that I felt that right? At least I know how dying felt like . I could not even sit up or stand as it felt like there was something like a long pole inside. I pushed myself to the limit and rushed into the toliet. I sat at the toliet bowl for like 30 mins. I couldn't keep myself awake if not for the pain. I have like went into the toliet for like 5 or 6 times already.
I really have no motivation to do anything at all. Not SJAB, Not the book, Not the Final Year Project. I really cannot continue like this anymore. I need support.. I need my beam of support. Something that I have lost over a month. Seriously, I find no reason to be on this world.
I'm just too afraid to re-commit into SJAB. I'm afraid that if I do so, history will repeat himself. again. Haiz.. Suckz Hate living.
:::Friday, December 17, 2004:::
[Tired... @ 1:27 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Had class for the whole day today. 8 to 5. I was suppose to meet Jie xiong to go gym but he did his project till 2.30pm. I had lesson at 3. We wanted to do it after 5 but my lesson ended at 5.30. He had CCA at 6. So Didn't go gym in the end.
I could joke around with pei bing today at the phone. I actually didn't want to sms her but I know that I'm going to regret it if i really stop talking to her. I can't do it. Even when I tell myself to stop it, I did sms her in the end. The wounds in my heart are still fresh. It needs time to heal. But I can't let go... Part of me still want to go up to her and hug her and tell her how much I miss her. Haiz..
Samantha wrote a nasty sms back saying I went too far giving her the stuff back. She also said i was making Yuan Qi life difficult. What the hell... I only gave her things that I know she wants it back. I can't share anything woes with you guys? You guys don't understand. Samantha, you message me saying "Scared cannot find another one issit". I love her 100%. I don't want another person. I just want her. You think I like to be treated like dirt like how I went throught the last month? Pei Bing did some nasty things to me but I can't hate her... I can't change love to hate...
Went to library after class with hsien long to do CSC Assignment. we did till 7pm before leaving for dinner. Kinda introduce to him a wrong stall to eat. The food sucks. sorry hsien long.
Went to the arcade to destress. Played racing (car and cycle). I began to find that this is not the way out. There is still this heavy stone in me and i can't take it out. Every time I see someone holding hands or hugging I think of her . I think of my work load , I stress.
Met Moony at Jurong east. Haiz. Wrong place to meet. So many memories. URGH!!! I hate this so much. Why do I keep having all this memory flash!!!! Sometimes... I just wish I could be dead so that My brain don't think at all.
We had finish discussion how the first 2 chapters are to be drawn. I like his drawings but Yong wei don't. After all, Yong Wei had a mental impression of what should the book be when he was writing it.
I can't wait for him to get out of camp. I don't want to do his book. Its taking up too much of my time. I need to do my final year project.
Miss Yeng called me to chase me if we are doing the bonding session for the officers and the instructors of 2005. I have equally no mood to do that either. I can't believe that after doing so long, my Officers still expect me to make the first move. I really want to rest.
Went running after I reach home. why? I felt fat and disgusted with myself. Therefore, I decided to run. If I'm not wrong, I predict the total distance was 4 KM. I ran and ran. Stop at 3.2 KM Cos I could not take it anymore. At there, Was a play ground. I did some pull up and arm strengthing excercise. I like the feeling of running because when you finish running, You feel light headed. Like when you are on drugs or something like that.. You feel peace as its a kind of meditation.(Focusing on your breathing is meditation) I sat down and watched the stars as well. Haiz. I made the promise to take care Peibing for life was at a night play ground. I told her that the stars don't come out as they have fallen into my house. They are there because I think of Peibing untill it fell off. Hah.. I'm so childish. I sat there for an hour and only reach home at 1am.
Can I take care of you like how i used to do so while we remain as friends? When you are ill, I buy medication for you, hang out all day, do all the good things we used to do? Haiz... What am I talking about. She has someone else who she already like. I'm just going to make matter worse.
:::Thursday, December 16, 2004:::
[My letter to you... @ 11:49 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
To Pei Bing:
I know you read my blogs. I don't know how should I bring this to you. By the time you read this, You would have recieved my Puzzle that I have done it for you. I have also put in your photo and something else. They are all your personal stuff. To date, I have returned all your personal stuff to you. Whatever else you want me to pass it back to you just tell me and I will pass them back to you. Not that I want to pass them back to you but I have to. If we are really meant to be together, those things will come back to me again.
You don't want to meet me, you don't want to tell me anything. I'm begaining to don't understand what you are thinking anymore. We are not the same as we are anymore. I feel like i'm a fool, Only here to entertain you. Tell you so much things and you go haha and never tell me anything back. You expect me to understand you with just haha?? its going to be impossible.
I don't know the reason why you keep playing me out. My guess is because the rumor is really true. That you like Wen sheng and you already decided to go with him. Out of guilt , you still concern about me. That the only explaination that I can think of currently.
Its really too late for me to do anything now. No matter how much i beg or do, Its not going to change anything. Even though I wish to patch and up and be steady again. I fear that its not going to happen . I have made the effort. you didn't
The rest is now up to you. I'm really tired of being treated like a toy and dirt now.
:::Wednesday, December 15, 2004:::
[Last Night, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away.. @ 10:37 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
I had the most wonderful conversation with Pei Bing yesterday. This was the most about of "hee" that she have ever given to me in a day ever since our break up. (I save her name in my phone as Darlz PB Hee... cos she love to hee.. thats one that i like about her... always happy ) I could even play with her (Dottie Monster == yellow duckie).Sad thing was that she still don't want to audio conversation with me. We were suppose to meet today but again changed date. Now its thursday. Wonder if I really will meet her. She wanted to do finish her homework today and I wanted to pei her ... I told her we could still meet up and just do home work.. I really dont mind as long as I get to see her and pei her. Strangly if we were still a couple, she would have readily agreed to the idea for as long as we can meet up, doing anything is not a problem. She said she would be doing her acc. homework. Wonder is it because she is going to meet wen sheng to do the home work or what.
Hope I dun meet anyone call wen sheng for my rest of my life. I will vent all my anger on him... those who name is wen sheng.. .better get ready a christian name or not wait i find out.. You die...
So meeting peibing on thursday. Well, I don't think we are going for a movie as there is really nothing to watch. Unless she really want to watch "christmas with the hanks" Which the reviews said it wasn't very good But I'll watch it to spend time with her. I waiting for the new stephen chow movie to come out. I love his shows...hahah
I met Ginny online yesterday (For Ya Info, Ginny is my beloved cousin who is from demark) and she read my blog. We had a long talk and well... We poured out our feelings and I guess she's right. There are things that cannot be within our control. The ball is now on pei bing court and There is a possibility that its not going to come back. I made my stand very clear.I will not give up. I was telling myself about what would happen if I continue to do chase without limits for the whole day yesterday But I made up my mind that I chose to repent. If she is not going to budge, I still made my side of the deal and all I can do is wish her the best with Wen Sheng.Even thought I don't want to, I cannot undo what was done.
I remembers she told me she rather die as she rather not think of all these issues and I'm forcing her to patch. She wanted to start all over again in the sense of from friends. Its not that I don't want to patch or anything but if we really start from friends. We are never going to be able to patch. I can not show her how it would be if we were back together again. Everything I tried to do something that might be alittle "Sensitive" , She would just "....." and pass it off.
The song that you are hearing from my blog, Its a song when Sasuke( the charactor on the left) died. Right now, In my heart, It feels like that. Its like she died and I'm showing all my emotions to the corpse but there is no way the corpse is going to live and tell me that its alright.
Haiz....
[read shu jian blog @ 10:33 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Haha.. Mr Shu Jian.... Lovesick.... we 2 are kinda on the same boat.. both want love but looking at the wrong places to get it. well.. he quite siao onz... but too bad our account close.. cannot buy anything till 1st jan 2005. Oh well... nice to be in someone else blog... hahah
For those who wants to know more about a poor guy like me, his blog site is
http://shujian@blogspot.com
[Late for class... @ 10:28 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
This is so Sick... I got lessons at 9am in the morning but I still cannot come to terms with it. Despite setting my alarm clock to wake me up at 7.30am, I could not get up till 9.15 am, which is the max. time allowed to be late for class. So sian.. I was absent last week, and late this week.
:::Tuesday, December 14, 2004:::
[Outcome @ 11:48 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Did not manage to meet San dong and Samantha. Timing was just too bad. I could not meet Moony becasue his Boss ask him to OT... Sian 1/2 ... Well, I manage to meet Mr Yong to get som $$ today and Apple to pass her what her brother passed to me.
I started rushing and I promptly got a headache. I ate two pandols and I'm feeling better now.
I told my FYP(Final Year Project) Supervisor I'm going to meet him at 9.30 am Tomorrow. I went back to check my time table and I having my Practicals tomorrow at 9AM!!!! So face losing... I immediatly called my supervisor to change time
Watch PCK today. Damm.. Singapore Script writers CMI... Was Such a lame show that it felt like a trash show.
If Singapore media wants to be better, Please change the script writers.
[In class now... @ 1:15 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Currently sititing down infront of the computer. I'm suppose to do my tutorial but I'm blogging at the moment.. Its a clear view for the tutor to see me Blogging. Haiz. Guess what... I'm suppose to have tutorial from 1PM to 2PM and there is a break at 2PM to 3 Pm and another leature at 3PM to 4PM... how am I suppose to meet the ladies as San Dong has to work at 5pm. Haiz. Looks like I have no choice but to meet only sam .. Let see how this goes. Haiz...
[My plan for the day @ 11:12 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Today class pushed to 1-3pm. I was suppose to meet Samantha and San Dong to come out with a christmas gathering. All of us were so tired, Both Samantha and San Dong still in bed. Looks like I got to meet them at 3-5 instead. Today's a busy day. After meeting the ladies, I got to meet Mr Yong to get my $$ back. claims for flag day transport and the officers claim for unifrom. After than I going to meet Moony... my darling designer, to see how is the comic strips comming along. Than I have to meet Apple , to pass her what yong wei has passed to me for convertion. I also will have to take the tumb drive from her to pass back to QiEn.
Hope by keeping busy, I dont think of what happen last night.
[She has made up her mind... @ 1:39 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
I have nothing now... Nothing at all. Faced with this bloody Blog and the 4 walls of my room. I don't know how many morning she wants me to wake up feeling afraid, lonely.. I have said whatever I can say and she is not going to change her discussion. I don'tknow how much tears she wants me to shed before she lets me repent.
I'm like a prisoner, One that when into jail and can't get back my world cause of hate. I got no right to hate her. She has all the right to hate me. All I wanted was to give her a surprise and all I got is MOTHER FUCKING AIR!!!! I GOT NOTHING BUT AIR MY ASS COULD EVEN DO BETTER THAT.
My friend called me, told me somethings that once I heard it. My world just crashed... what can I do, She hate this type of stuff, and I have to settle it. We end up fighting. I always lose.
She told me that few words that I have been avoiding.. RIght into me... Like a knife into my heart :" FROM NOW ON, I'M AM NOT GOING INTO ANY RELATIONSHIP, YOU HAPPY"
I have faced countless people to give up. faced her asking me to give up. But this is the point where I cannot take it anymore. I really lost it. I got nothing to lose now. No one can understand this pain. I'm Sure this is even worse than what she felt now.
I'm really at my ends now. I really don't know what to do now... I did what ever I can. I tried to dun say anything and try to move but we are not getting anywhere... the barrier is just to big now and there is no way I can make it if she is not going to move . I know she tried to start the conversation. Buts its all YA, NO, HAHA and PENGS.. and NOTHING MUCH.... and etc... you call this conversation?? I call this talking to the wall, All the input is comming from me and nothing from you. She has nothing to share with me? She has nothing to tell me?? What am I? a Toy?
Some one JUST KILL ME!!!!!! SOMEONE JUST LET ME DIE!!!! I'm really going suide now.... One more step to the edge and I will be over it... Just that one more push....
:::Monday, December 13, 2004:::
[Sad Normal day today... @ 10:21 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
I must be very tired for the past few days, I was working on my Final Year project but after typing like 20 lines of codes, I fell asleep. I woke up and decided to SMS Peibing and After seeing what she have replied, I fummed back to sleep.
Woke up about 5 pm and decided to prepare for jogging. My Mother wanted me to pluck the wild grass in the garden. (Damm, Its not a small Garden) I was like squating for 1 and half hour plucking and plucking and feeding the mosquito. I accidently looked at the sky and notice how beautiful the clouds were. I have not been doing cloud glazzing for the past 2 yrs. So much work and I dun't even know how to tell Peibing that I love to watch cloud glazzing.
I saw a couple, A monster, a aeroplane, lots more. Today was the best because there was cloud formation. the spiral . Its hard to find it in Singapore as It normally forms in countries where tornedo are located. You need a whole lot of imagination and just watch. Soon, Images will start appearing and its the best TV that Nature can provide to us.
Do you think I can share this with Peibing? I want to bring her to the esplande and watch sun set there. It has always been on my mind for our 2nd year anniversary. But now. Haiz...
Had Some funny burnt rice with Yang Chow Chicken for dinner. My Sister bought it for west mall. Hmmm.. I'll Watch out for that store. Its so bad that my face screwed up while eating it.
Had Ice-cream after that. I wonder why my mother will by YAM FLAVORED ice cream. Brr.... Scary..
Wei Jie SMS me asking me to let the seniors go see their POP(Passing Out Parade). I SMS it to Daniel and he told me that he ask him to send the SMS to me one. Highly unusual. Well, If the community is inviting the corps I will send the seniors to go watch.
[Wonder what she is thinking... @ 10:15 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Pei Bing worked for the entire week end without much break. She was so tired untill she could not SMS me. She even have to rush her homework till almost 3am in the morning. I wanted to meet her but I thought that she would be very tired. Therfore I decided to change it to wednesday, a day where she might have to work. Apprently, She went out with wen sheng today!!! Being thoughtfull, I became an idoit. She still had the energy to go out with him when she has no energy to even SMS me...
I have no control over her cos she is no longer my stead. What am I talking about...I don't even have the right to do anything. She can do whatever she wants and dun have to worrie about me cos I cannot voice out.
Its not even go out to do homework or something. Its go out to buy clothings. Something she hardly even do with me. Urgh.. What am I doing....
[I Have no mood to do anything... @ 2:00 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
I really have no motivation to do anything,My Final Year Project,My book, My Corps , My Group, My studies, My life.... Everything seems so uninteresting now... Only thing that I am Interested is to patch with Pei Bing. Haiz.
Lord, I know everything you place in my path has a reason. But What do you want to tell me now? I can't just raise and say I can go on like no body business. You know I'm Still Clear headed enough to stay alive, But this is living hell. I have to take "It" every day just to numb myself ... I hate taking it. It makes me so "Unclean" haiz... And worse is Once I start, Its hard to stop... Lord. Please give me Peibing back. She is the only support that I have left. There is nothing else left to look for..
[How to reduce my spending? @ 2:33 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
I spend alot.. And I mean alot. My monthly allowance is like $380 and can finish it in like half a month.
Breakdown as follows:
- Transport: Bus($52) Train ($20)
- Handphone Bill : ($50-70)
- Food or Buy Stuff : Whatever is left
Quote an Example of today:
Spend $4 on lunch , $3.15 on a bunch of envolopes and $2 for spectale hooks. ( I nearly went Bicycle hooks to the owner.) I went " Do you have Bicycle... What bicycle ... Spectale hooks?"I wonder what I was thinking .
[Why Do you keep wanting me to give up!!! @ 2:16 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
What can I do to show you that I really want to change? What do I deserve to be always rejected by you. Maybe with my friend said was true and that there is really no way we are ever going to get back together, But I'm not giving up. No matter how low the chances are. I will not give up.
You are not just anyone... You are the only one that I want, You are the only one that I ever thought about to marry before. Its like now Wishful thinking of my side right.
NS commitment is comming up. I really worrie that by the time I go into NS, There is no way that I can salvage this realtionship do you not understand...
URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are the busy one now... Not me... Working , Studying and going out with friends while I here have let got everything and become so free just for you to hurt me.
[Another day has passed... @ 1:16 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Just Finished my homework. What I have to do now is to do my Practical session that I have missed earlier on this week.
Just now went to HQ to submit the Application forms for BV's Total defence Certification. I was so unwilling to move that I took my bloody own sweet time to get my ass over there. By the time i got there, the gate was closed. I had to scream for uncle to open the door to let me in. HAHA.... What an asshole...
Came home and watch TV( WASTING MY TIME AGAIN!!! BAD TIME MANAGEMENT) and than slumbed up to my room to do my homework. The first one was to write some shit about Stereotyping. For those who don't know what Sterotyping is, It generalising something that would not be true. Like for example, (No hard feelings to all indina friends) my Mother is so racist that she says the indian stinks and she cannot stand taking the bus with them to work everyday. My second homework was my Wireless Technology Tutorial. I took 1 hr just to answer 3 question. I hate myself for being so slow and short concentration span.
My Long lost friend SMS me just now, She was asking me if she should apply a course in poly that she can go in or a course that she wants but have no confidence that she can get in. I told her to apply the course she wants cos its a skill that she is going to live with it for 3 donkey damm years. If She hates the course, she is not going to finish the course.
Peibing finally sms back me, with the reason of Too tired to SMS back again. Oh well, as least she sms back and she is fine which is the most important.
Moony says I am doing the impossible of patching with Pei bing as he thinks that there is no way we 2 could get back together. I told moony that if it was any body else, I would have done so. Its Peibing that we are talking about now. I can tell you that I felt during my Relationship with her that I'm married to her. She is the only girl friend that I have ever done so. I gave my entire life to her . Haiz...
God Help me ....
Saw Celeste blog just now, She said that she felt guity when she PS me to go watch the incredibles first. Well, Not really her fault cos I had lessons at the timing that she wanted to watch. I send her my timetable and told her the next time that if she wants to watch a movie and wants to jio me to watch as well, please refer to my timetable .. hee.. Sounds so bitchy hor... haiz. I really taking my life to whole new level. I seems to be not bothered by anything. Nothing has importance at all..
Peibing.. I need you ...
:::Sunday, December 12, 2004:::
[Disgusted with myself... @ 9:57 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
I need exercise... This is bad, I think I have reach the first stage of overeating. Help!!!!... Feeling sicky, tired and disgusted with myself. Haiz... URGH!!!!!!
Anyone can help me in making me lose weight...
[I have a serious bad time management @ 9:53 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
I'll getting rather irritated with myself. I don't seem to be productive in my work. The things that I have to do never seems to be completed on time. I like to drag them to the last minute and worse still I can't work according to what I planned. Haiz. seems like I have no motivation to do anything now.
Anyone here has any way to increase motivation??
Tried to SMS pei bing for the past two days but she has no response. I waited for her to be online till 3am yesterday but she did not even turn up. Well... She must be busy... and lazy to SMS me back. Haiz. How to make peibing be more interested in me again...
[A Good Song To Introduce to All my friends .. @ 1:39 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
For all of those who still remember Dj_FoXy (Back in 2000) when I was still a DJ, I only got one thing to say...
DJ_FOXY IS BACK IN TOWN!!!
For those who don't know or can't remember who is Dj_FoXy, Here is a brief Introduction.
--
Dj_FoXy was the Music editor of the #Kcps_Cafe news letter back in 2000 weekly for the top 20 musics in town. He also remixed a few tracks back then as well. --
:::Dj_Foxy Pick of the week:::
Gwen Stefani's new album "LOVE, ANGEL, MUSIC, BABY" is set to rock the world of new musics. Her strong voice and ever new image(Style) and cranchy music videos never seems to ends. No one can ever get the much of her. Gwen started back in 1992 with the band , "No doubt". They were an instant hit and since been the rockers of the town. In 1997, its top single, Don't speak became its icon and untill this day, It still rocks on most dance floor.
Strangly It was mention that Gwen will not be leaving No doubt. I wonder how true can it be as the band last album was backed at 1997. The guys must have been itchy handed if Gwen wanted to come out with a new album.
Ok.. Enough of Side lines, Let me recommend a track that will keep your head groving to the music. "
What you waiting for? " . A good mix of hard rock and her voice , a perfect combo for the dance move. Come on, give your body a break and get grooving with it. "What you waiting for you stupit whore"
Link --->
http://us.rd.yahoo.com/launch/promotions/aom/gwenstefani/audio/*http://playlist.yahoo.com/makeplaylist.dll?SID=8571671
[What kind of Diet is this... @ 1:33 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Brunch - Otah, rice, chicken curry and veg, piece of fish and Tofu.
Dinner - Fried Rice ( God damm it.. I Love Fried rice. )
Others - Two Fried Sweet Potato, 1 Pack+ few pcs of potato chips, 2 servings of Durian, A banana and Vitagen
:P I'm such a pig right?? How am I ever going to lose weight if i eat like this?
:::Saturday, December 11, 2004:::
[Forgot what happen today!!!!! @ 9:01 PM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
This is bad, I went pass a day without knowing what to write in my blog. Nothing interesting, fun, boring or anything happened. Numbed... haiz...
Just very tired and sleepy... Cannot think much. All I remember was reflecting that i didnt do much at all...
What is happening to me???
I wonder how is Pei Bing doing now...She must be also very tired and busy. I SMSed her just now but there was no reply.
[Damm Yahoo... @ 8:51 PM]
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I registered with Yahoo a free Hosting last night so that I could put all my photos and audio into it for the blog. But untill now, It seems very unstable. My friends site seems to have no problem but I seem to have endless problem. It keeps giving me error 999 everytime I try to use it. Haiz... Stupit Yahoo... If you come to my Blog and there is no music, I apologise.. Yahoo giving me problems again.
About Image world, I'm going to do Moblog. Everyday, I would take at least one photo using my Panasonic x68 and place it here. Like for example, I take a photo of a cat,I will place it on the blog and a hyperlink of the full image and description of the image. Another way to express myself.
Enjoy...
[Super tired eyes... @ 2:29 AM]
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Its so late now and I'm still trying to create scroll bars, Covert MP3 into Wav so that it can be played on the website. The problem is that the scrolls don't want to come out, The Sound does not want to load and I am borrowing the sound from my friends site now. Haiz.
I still have started on the puzzle yet!!!! haiz...
Pei Bing is going to work for the whole Sat and Sunday. She is now trying to finish her homework so that she will still be on time. Haiz. She is so tired and she is still trying to finish it. Pei Bing.. Dun tire yourself out please... It hurts me to see you this way. If there is anything that I can help ,Do feel free to ask and I will do my best to help you in it.
:::Friday, December 10, 2004:::
[Day Reflection... @ 10:27 PM]
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- Breakfast- Lemon Chicken rice ( small one)
- Lunch- Fried Rice( SIM)
- Dinner- Long John Silver (Combo 1)
Feeling like a pig. On top of the Long John Silver's Coke, I drank another can of coke earlier to keep myself awake for my Customer Serivice Communication leature. I drank the coke while waiting for the bus and I told myself to throw the drink away when the driver comes. But I finished it before the driver came. Haiz.. I felt so bloated and so yucky untill I nearly could not eat my Long John Silver Fish and Chips.
The bus ride was a long .... dammm long one. I did some reflection and found out a few stuff... Like...
- I got to stop eating like that. I vow to stop eating all fast food till after exams and do 100 sit up everyday , run 3 times a week and go gym twice a week . I wonder if Pei Bing would be willing to train with me in running. Going to ask her ...
- I tend to pray to god only when I need help and did not place him in happier times. Its like the same problem with Peibing. I deduct that I have the tendency to take things for granted... Haiz... Anyone has any way to solve this problem?
- The same guy who wrote a 2000 word essay stating that the world does not exist and Human have two life forms is taking things for granted? I even question does a tree exist. Haiz Strange personality
- I notice that Yong Wei has passed me alot of stuff which he wants me to take care of them while he is in NS. Hmm.. Since he trust me so much, I better not fail him...
I pray to god to forgive me for not placing him in my life at certain times. I'll do more of that from now on.
[After School... @ 10:18 PM]
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Today I went over to Pionner Secondary School to meet daniel to get the application forms for Total Defence from him .Since It was the last application I am going to do, I decided to give it my last extra mile. Daniel is so funny. .. He got the teacher the Stamp the school Logo on the forms but did not ask the teacher to SIGN!!!!! Pengz... Funny thing. When I went over to Pionner, I notice one of my Cadets having and Arm Sling and another had wounds on her legs. All Accidents from the NCO Camp. I pity them and salute them for this is my first time that I have ever seen any cadet play so "violently".
I went to Jurong point after that. All the past memories started to flood me after that, the Goridano store, the movie, the curry store. haiz... I went to play the arcade. Have not played the arcade for a long long time. Been visiting the arcade to race recently. Most of my driving skills have dropped. Going to train them again. I still suck in Driving the lorry/trucks and the "follow the buttons and press them" games. Driving takes away all my feelings and All I know is the blurness of the screen that my vehicle is displaying. Well, I mastered Auto transmission for all race games today. (I used to be a Manual driver , Love shifting gears. My car will be a manual one. More power, more speed and friecer sound)
How I wish that Pei Bing was beside me and I can joke and laugh with her at Jurong point. Haiz...
[God Dammed It @ 4:09 PM]
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I'm now in a mids of a discussion of good customer service when one of my classmate, Hsien Long, started his crappy nonsense by stating of a good example that follows:
"One day, I was shopping for Bra.. " and I shot back at him , " What the hell were you shopping that for?!!!!" His reply was :" I was collecting it... and I was asking for a "Red D-Size cups Bra" As there wasn't any models for B- size, I asked the staff to test it on... And she did that in the middle of the stall, That is good customer service... "
Brzzz..... *Shivers* What am i doing with such a .... monster??
Help~~~~!!!!
[School Day @ 10:12 AM]
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Woke up at 7.30 am for an 8.am lesson. The first lesson was rather crapy.Can't imagine the leaturer would say that IS is not important and we don't have to "Chiong" for it. Lesson ended in like 40 mins ( I came like only like 30 mins). Now I'm in another leature , WISP, This leaturer is very irritating.. Keep saying the word "Hell".He looks like a penguin and worse still... when he was unlocking the doors, he was doing the indian neck dance...
I hope that Pei Bing was not late for class today.
[I wetted myself... @ 2:13 AM]
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My shirt is wet, my table is wet, so is my eyes. This is excetly 1 month since Pei Bing has broken up with me. This feeling is worse than hell. I have developed motion problems and eye bags from the continous hellish feekings.
I have told her whatever have to tell her. I still can't show her as we still haven meet up or chat over the phone. The last time I tried to meet her was wed. I wanted to bring her to the movies as a b day present and along with the jigsaw. I wanted to be the first to wish her birthday. I bought the small chocolate cake but there was no side that I was ever going to meet her. If I am not wrong, the cake must have melted already and my mother must have threw it away. Typing is getting to be a problem as everything I post a blog in this mood, my left hand will shake. She told me she was working on that day, So I told her that I meet her and we can go home together.It still fits to the agenda. But by 8pm, she told me she was not working today.
She read my blogs and placed an tag message. In that valuable message,It was the nicest thing she has said to me for the whole month. I could not hold back my feelings and told her how I felt. We cried. But we are still nowhere. She still wants more time. I don't know how long more I can hold on. Blogging is the only way now that I can release my feelings. Everyone who I asked for helped told me to give up.But I will not, Cos I did her wrong. Shit, my nose is blocked again. Everytime I finished crying, my nose gets blocked up. I made her unhappy, she made me unhappy, we are going no where. The feeling of hurt is still strong in her. So is mine. I dont want to make her cry. Every tear she drop is like stabbing into my chest with a long long knife and taking it out and stabing it back in again. I really don't know what to do. Sometimes my sub concious tells me that I should suffer alone and repay my sins.
God, Tell me what should I do to make it right again, Can I restart life again?
I'm going back to sleep. Either bury myself in tears or have dream which Pei bing will always try to avoid and ignore me . I hate to sleep.
Trust me .One day, I will sleep and never wake up again.
You know, First time after 6 months, we had our "You-Put-Down-Phone-First " message. That was really music to my ears. I though I will never hear it from her again... haiz...
[I feel sick... @ 1:47 AM]
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Word of advice, Never finish a large glass of yoget in the middle of the night... You will live to regret it. Trust me, cos i just ate that. x_X
:::Thursday, December 09, 2004:::
[Its Not Worth it... @ 10:12 PM]
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I been thinking, Its not worth it, Not worth to lose peibing for what ever achievement that I had, Do SJAB, But nothing significent came out. Do Business, no $$ in , alot $$ out. School work, Getting B's all the way.
I just wish I could turn back time to set things right again.
God, Help Me...
[Back at my computer @ 10:06 PM]
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I just glue up most of the puzzles and decided to take a break. cannot believe that iIcan glue untill slanted... haiz...
The radio (91.3) it having some 60 min non stop trance remix which I think some of them are lame. Well that reminds me , there is a new techno remix CD for DJ. I thinking of getting it. Might be able to remix some tracks. Personal Mix.
My room now smells like UHU glue.*Stinks* going to die from inhalation...
House has been triping for like almost 10 times today. my Kitchen construction must have something to do with it.
My nose is stuck again. I going to suffer tonight again sneezing it out.
Well, I have to finish the puzzle today and get back to life. I have been doing nothing but the puzzle for the past 2 days.
[Finish!!! @ 4:56 PM]
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Great, I've finished doing the 1000 pcs jigsaw puzzle. I got a serious back ache. I now have to glue the puzzle onto the board and frame it. I hope this puzzle can help me to let her know that I am still trying to salvage the relationship... haiz...
Listening to the song Jay-z and Linkin park --numb/Encore . This song lyrics seems to be telling me how Peibing is feeling. Haiz.. I know i have done her wrong.. I just hope she let me repent.
[Is This the end? @ 1:18 PM]
ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...
Woke up being disturbed by my sister and mum. Nothing much I can do or say as the computer is in my room. I had a nightmare last night, Even in my dreams, pei bing is also avoiding me. I'm really losing it. I can't work without her support, i cannot do anything... even talking to my friends is so hard now. I just wish the world would just eat me up and froze me so that I don't even have any of this miserable feelings. I just have no idea what to do . I promised her to drop everything (my Work, My SJAB, etc... ) if she comes back to me but even now all those have been drop, she still does not want to come back to me. She keeps telling me its too late. I know i cannot say much cos i really neglated her and she had, even this neglation, supported me for one whole year!!! I really want to make it up to her... Why is it so hard for her to understand that it take someone to lose someone so dear to him to understand how much she meants to me. I'm So sorry Pei bing... Nothing that i can say now will ever change your mind... I want to show you but you keep ignoring me.why... Why... WHY!!!!!! URGH!!! Someone Just kill me ... I dun want to have feelings , I dun want to have this feeling... sob... sob... :(
[Whats with this name?? @ 2:35 AM]
ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...
Well, my God Bro, Daniel, asked me what with my Blog address name, "Wilsence". Well, its a short form of "Wilson's Sence in this world" . Its suppose to fit with the entire theme. Thats why its the Revolution of my life. I need my 5 sences in this world to feel and understand the events that happens in my life that paths my future
[Irritated... @ 2:18 AM]
ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...
Its 2.20 am in the morning and I am still doing the jig saw puzzle for my Ex as her B-day present. I'm less than half way done and I'm getting irritated with it. This is going to be my first and last 1000 pcs jigsaw i am ever going to do . My nose is also killing me. I must have sneezed like over a hundred times. God Damm it, what do you have to give me such type of life. Yong Wei called me just now and screamed over the phone about moony ( his designer for his book). I was already pissed off but he made it worse. I controlled my temper and listen to his scolding for not being asertive enough. He does not even understand how I am feeling now and for the past few days and he just scream. No one understands how i am feeling now, Who will, no one will cos no one is bothered to know and ask and help .. only god knows cos i've been praying to him so hard that i can hear him sometimes.
[First Blog @ 2:02 AM]
Well, this is my first time i am blogging and i am obvious not a tread taker ( considering i am a IT student). Well, I dun usually need a blog as i used to share everything with my GF but since she broke up with me, i can only use this as a way to let of steam and help me get over it. A sad welcome to those who pop by but well.. blogs are used to express the deepest feelings of the blogger so welcome to my world , the Revolution of Me.
