:::Friday, December 17, 2004:::
[Tired... @ 1:27 AM]
-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
Had class for the whole day today. 8 to 5. I was suppose to meet Jie xiong to go gym but he did his project till 2.30pm. I had lesson at 3. We wanted to do it after 5 but my lesson ended at 5.30. He had CCA at 6. So Didn't go gym in the end.
I could joke around with pei bing today at the phone. I actually didn't want to sms her but I know that I'm going to regret it if i really stop talking to her. I can't do it. Even when I tell myself to stop it, I did sms her in the end. The wounds in my heart are still fresh. It needs time to heal. But I can't let go... Part of me still want to go up to her and hug her and tell her how much I miss her. Haiz..
Samantha wrote a nasty sms back saying I went too far giving her the stuff back. She also said i was making Yuan Qi life difficult. What the hell... I only gave her things that I know she wants it back. I can't share anything woes with you guys? You guys don't understand. Samantha, you message me saying "Scared cannot find another one issit". I love her 100%. I don't want another person. I just want her. You think I like to be treated like dirt like how I went throught the last month? Pei Bing did some nasty things to me but I can't hate her... I can't change love to hate...
Went to library after class with hsien long to do CSC Assignment. we did till 7pm before leaving for dinner. Kinda introduce to him a wrong stall to eat. The food sucks. sorry hsien long.
Went to the arcade to destress. Played racing (car and cycle). I began to find that this is not the way out. There is still this heavy stone in me and i can't take it out. Every time I see someone holding hands or hugging I think of her . I think of my work load , I stress.
Met Moony at Jurong east. Haiz. Wrong place to meet. So many memories. URGH!!! I hate this so much. Why do I keep having all this memory flash!!!! Sometimes... I just wish I could be dead so that My brain don't think at all.
We had finish discussion how the first 2 chapters are to be drawn. I like his drawings but Yong wei don't. After all, Yong Wei had a mental impression of what should the book be when he was writing it.
I can't wait for him to get out of camp. I don't want to do his book. Its taking up too much of my time. I need to do my final year project.
Miss Yeng called me to chase me if we are doing the bonding session for the officers and the instructors of 2005. I have equally no mood to do that either. I can't believe that after doing so long, my Officers still expect me to make the first move. I really want to rest.
Went running after I reach home. why? I felt fat and disgusted with myself. Therefore, I decided to run. If I'm not wrong, I predict the total distance was 4 KM. I ran and ran. Stop at 3.2 KM Cos I could not take it anymore. At there, Was a play ground. I did some pull up and arm strengthing excercise. I like the feeling of running because when you finish running, You feel light headed. Like when you are on drugs or something like that.. You feel peace as its a kind of meditation.(Focusing on your breathing is meditation) I sat down and watched the stars as well. Haiz. I made the promise to take care Peibing for life was at a night play ground. I told her that the stars don't come out as they have fallen into my house. They are there because I think of Peibing untill it fell off. Hah.. I'm so childish. I sat there for an hour and only reach home at 1am.
Can I take care of you like how i used to do so while we remain as friends? When you are ill, I buy medication for you, hang out all day, do all the good things we used to do? Haiz... What am I talking about. She has someone else who she already like. I'm just going to make matter worse.
