:::-::-: ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn ..I wIll sUrvIvE.. :-::-:::

:::Friday, December 10, 2004:::

[I wetted myself... @ 2:13 AM]

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

My shirt is wet, my table is wet, so is my eyes. This is excetly 1 month since Pei Bing has broken up with me. This feeling is worse than hell. I have developed motion problems and eye bags from the continous hellish feekings.

I have told her whatever have to tell her. I still can't show her as we still haven meet up or chat over the phone. The last time I tried to meet her was wed. I wanted to bring her to the movies as a b day present and along with the jigsaw. I wanted to be the first to wish her birthday. I bought the small chocolate cake but there was no side that I was ever going to meet her. If I am not wrong, the cake must have melted already and my mother must have threw it away. Typing is getting to be a problem as everything I post a blog in this mood, my left hand will shake. She told me she was working on that day, So I told her that I meet her and we can go home together.It still fits to the agenda. But by 8pm, she told me she was not working today.

She read my blogs and placed an tag message. In that valuable message,It was the nicest thing she has said to me for the whole month. I could not hold back my feelings and told her how I felt. We cried. But we are still nowhere. She still wants more time. I don't know how long more I can hold on. Blogging is the only way now that I can release my feelings. Everyone who I asked for helped told me to give up.But I will not, Cos I did her wrong. Shit, my nose is blocked again. Everytime I finished crying, my nose gets blocked up. I made her unhappy, she made me unhappy, we are going no where. The feeling of hurt is still strong in her. So is mine. I dont want to make her cry. Every tear she drop is like stabbing into my chest with a long long knife and taking it out and stabing it back in again. I really don't know what to do. Sometimes my sub concious tells me that I should suffer alone and repay my sins.

God, Tell me what should I do to make it right again, Can I restart life again?

I'm going back to sleep. Either bury myself in tears or have dream which Pei bing will always try to avoid and ignore me . I hate to sleep. Trust me .One day, I will sleep and never wake up again.

You know, First time after 6 months, we had our "You-Put-Down-Phone-First " message. That was really music to my ears. I though I will never hear it from her again... haiz...