ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn

What kind of fucking family is this?

2007-10-23T22:28:00.000+08:00

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Urgh.. Damm Fucking pissed... What kind of fucking logic is this. We wanna solve this issue and you ask us to shut up and get out. Its a family for god sake.. Not some work where you fuck off after 5PM.

You know.. Mum, One day. Everyone is going to leave you if you keep up with this attitude. Keep your money. .We dun need it.

Words of Wisdom

2007-10-21T23:37:00.000+08:00

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To Bury your dream is like to bury yourself, for we are really "such stuff as dreams are made on". God's dream for us is to reach our potential. - Leroy Eims

Cherish your vision and your dreams as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints of your ultimate achievements - Napolean Hill

Passion and Compassion are compelling motivatiors . Listen with your heart and you are likely to discover the things for which others are willing to give themselves

No Man can deliver the goods if his heart is heavier than hie load. - Frank Irving Fletcher

Happiness, wealth and success are by products of goal setting; they cannot be the goal themselves. - John Condry

A pencil and a dream can take you anywhere - J. Meyers

Set your goals in concrete and write your plans in sand.

To plot your course, Three things you need your attention on.
1) Where You need to go
2) What you need to know
3) How you need to grow

Settle your own issues before trying to help others.

There are no such thing as problems only opportunities

Money does not solve problems. You can earn $25,000 a year and still have the same problem, With more money and style - Ernie k. Zelinski

There are four ways people react under difficult circumstances :
1) Retreat to the past
2) Daydream about the future
3) Retreat within and wait for someone to rescue them
4) Face the crisis and transform it into something useful

No matter how focused you are or how well you plan, you will still get off course. The problem comes when you have difficulty making course corrections. Either because you don't know you are off course, or you doe not know how to fix it.

The biggest way to silence the critics is to solve the problem and move on - Alfred Armand Montapert

4 Step plan to problem solving. - Ken Blanchard
1) Think of the problem in order to make it specific
2) Forming Theories for solving them
3) Forcasting the consequences of carryout the theories
4) Chosese a method to use based on the big picture.

Important factor: TIME!!!!

"Solve it. Solve it quickly. Solve it right or wrong. If you solve it wrong, it will come back and slap you in the face, and then you can solve it right. Lying dead in the water and doing nothing is a comfortable alternative because its without risk, but its is an absolutely fatal way to mange a business"- Thomas J. Waston, Jr.

Why?

2007-10-14T13:08:00.000+08:00

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Why am I suppose to care about others again?? Scarifice My wants and needs for them??

Is it because Success In my mind is different? What is sucess then? Is making lots of friends and caring about them sucess or is financial freedom a success?

AIA Insurance Wrote:

Sucess is when you have Financial Freedom, A meaningful life and happiness.

Financial Freedom is easy to define but whats a meaningful life and happiness?

6 Needs of a human by Anthony Robbins

2007-10-11T20:15:00.000+08:00

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6 needs of a human

1) Certainty
2) Uncertaintary ( Add flavors to your life)
3) Being sigificant
4) Connection and Love
5) Growth
6) Contribution beyond self

Credits to Anthony Robbins, the greatest "Change" Guru I've ever seen

A Train of thoughts

2007-10-11T20:06:00.000+08:00

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Its been a strange week... I've not felt that I've done much yet time pass like a speeding bullet... Damm... Thats not what troubles me.. What troubles me is that I've not been taking care of my other pirorities of life. I've not been exercising, Not been doing my Personel studies(Unless you count reading Self help books in the washroom hahah) SJAB, YEC, Family... I believe this is what contributes to the uneasy feeling and the lack of interest as I'm spending 100% on studies till it becomes a burn out which results in the lack of discpline to Study

Feel Points I'll leave to those who read my blog and to myself
Success= IQ + EQ + BQ No use having IQ when the other two Q does not work out . (For those who have not heard what this is, IQ - Integillience Quotient, EQ- Emotional Quotient , BQ = Body Quotient)(This largely plays with your state of mind and your filters of influence)

Humans are usually not afraid of what they cannot do. Its what they can do

Things always expand to the time you have. If you have 1 thing on your task list today. That task will take 1 day. If you have 2, it will still take 1 day. so why stop yourself from more than 1?

If you don't try, you would not fail( How true cos you can't possibilty fail from not trying) but if you just remove the n't from the do, you still would not fail.

What i'm doing now?

2007-10-10T00:02:00.001+08:00

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Going crazy with lotz of songs!!!! Head pumping, top of ur lung screaming song!!!! WOHOZZ!!!

Words

2007-10-09T23:08:00.000+08:00

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Its amazing I'm trying to lead my group of cadets, Friends but Its just so hard to lead myself and to keep up my own discpline...

If you keep looking back.... It only means you are not making progress..

A Early morning post

2007-10-07T02:51:00.000+08:00

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Wonder what the hell am I doing being awake at such god forsaken hour? Well... I've decided to take a rest from school and all my stuff, go to CC, Hang out with the guys, watch movies and play games. Actually. I was suppose to go out for dinner with Andrew and Neo gang but they message me on Facebook like 11.30 on Sat morning .... ?"Could you just call me? What makes you think I'll access my facebook or my e-mail just before my test??"

Finally Settled my bike insurance... Damm.. its so expensive.. there is now a big hole in my pocket... Insurnance, road tax, transfer fee and admin charges... Damm.. but there isn't a choice i guess. If you want to ride, you have to pay of all this.

Well I need to find a way to make money grow for me instead of relying purely on pocket money. Its so hard to find a way to invest the available cash. Its not much really.. lets say I can spare $100 a month for investment. What can I Invest on? Stocks? Dream on... Gambling... I want my beauty sleep. Forex? I Know can earn but its all damm risky..

Frankly I should try Forex... Its already like Gambling as you will need to spend alot ....and I mean alot of time on learning and watching the market to trade properly.

Well... There are lots of thing to be done once i wake up tomorrow... First thing i'm going to have to do is watch my bike and catch up with my studies (again). Tech comm Project is due soon and I still have to plan for CTSS SJAB 2008. Its going to be tough but when the tough gets going, the going gets tough.

Its kinda strange that liyana suddenly message me on destressing herself.... Well.. and she called me from almost 11 to almost 1 just to talk and destress... Well... Hope she has destress alittle and that I've been of help....

Just Listened to "waiting for you" MV @ youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0oSIaWdHZs Its really a very touching MV and song. I'm still waiting for the one... When will it ever come... guess when I sort out myself and my life , weight and looks and the main thing.. my heart.

Have you ever wondered when is the time to give up... look at the video.. She wakes up only to find out that the the guy committed suicide. Whats worse to be alive when the only one that is in your life is gone...

Its just like anything in life .. how much effort is considered enough... how do you know if you have crossed the line where its because of pure stupidity that you still remain on the path that you were on? what if you were on the edge? just like my image. Do not sit on the railing... how much is too much on each side..

"Take that chance you stuipit whore!!!" -Gwen Stefani , What you waiting for -

Whats My Calling??

2007-10-05T22:53:00.000+08:00

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Why am I in engineering again? I believe that to handle a Software efficiently, Both Knowladge of Hardware and Software is needed to be a good engineer and be able to obtain the best solution to any computing problem...

As is it really the case?

Or is it possibly because I have no idea what I want, What is my real calling and just wondering round aimlessly.

Why do I find myself Looking at words like Logic processing and software and my internal flame just light up.. but It does not happen in engineering? Am I really on a wrong path?

Why do i feel so uneasy on this path?

Anyone?

Happy Birthday to me...

2007-10-05T09:58:00.001+08:00

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Happy Birthday to me... Happy birthday to me.. .Happy birthday to me ... happy birthday to me..

Damm... Exam tomorrow

3 Down, 1 more to go...

2007-10-04T19:01:00.000+08:00

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At LAST!!!! Circuit Analysis Quiz is over.. I was panicking like hell yesterday in a desperate attempt to try to study 5 weeks of work in a day. Trust me.. Nothing went in.. I could not do the exam paper and that resulted in alot of guessing. Guess this is a lesson to me to make sure I manage my time and activities properly. *shugs* A lesson well learn... I'm going to make sure that this mess does not happen again.

Well.. There is still one more paper to go... I'm not going to think so far as to see how much work that I'm lacking now and try to cover.. I'm going to leave that till after Physics Quiz and take the rest of Saturday off( Treat it as my birthday gift can?? I promise i will work hard.... O.O <-- Big big innocent eyes)

I kinda love being in NTU.... Its thrilling to know that you have actually reach that far... (I know... its still the start of my life) I need to study harder to stay in NTU... Guess thats the responsibility I need to uphold now... Personal Responsibilty.. I keep telling people about the need of being responsible.. Guess the words are starting to bite me.. hahah

Well.. Frankly.. I can't think of anything exciting thing else that has happen to me over the last two days other than the Splitting headache and back ache I've gotten and that I feel that I'm part of a chair.

Well.. Guess life boring... But I'm still alive, I'm studying and I have most of the things that I want.. So whats there to complain about? (Other than my lack of study discpline..)

Short and Sweet post as I'm mugging for exam tomorrow

2007-10-03T16:25:00.000+08:00

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Stress, I'm So Screwed and Stress

Back to school after recess week

2007-10-01T20:07:00.000+08:00

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After one week of "break", School resume today. Been pressing the panic button like mad today as I'm still lagging far far in Circuit Analysis and there were two quiz back to back today(I think I'm going to fail both, For DE, I only managed to finish 1/2 of the paper and my maths quiz(What the hell.. only one question... its either you know , or you fail)Damm..

On my way home.. My bike felt weird and i decided to go to the bike shop to change my brake pad ... end up, the uncle showed me a nail that got stuck into my tire and I had to change it.. ($130 Flying)

Well... I've to continue my Circuit Analysis revision..

Family in Shambles

2007-09-30T10:10:00.000+08:00

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I found a more effective alarm clock .... I woke up today to my Elder Sis and Mum's "arrows" Its so stupid actually... Three fully grown adults acting like childrens.

"Problems manifest on each other. A small problem not iron out will only come back and haunt you... only bigger this time" - Tan Yong Wei, YCC Leader.

Both of them just can't see each other eye to eye.. I ask my mum how much does she understand my sis and to my surprise, my mum talks about my sis when she was only 19 years old , where everything was still peace and calm..

My Mum didn't really had a good life either.. being brought up in a traditional chinese family where the males get everything, females are to marry and have childrens.

She has been working all her life, saving whatever she earn like the past generation would do. My dad passed on in 1995 and she has been alone all these while. Saving and skrimping only to put all 3 of us into University. (My sis should remember this.. She fed and sent you all the way to uni. )

I can't say my mum is wrong, but at the same time, my sis isn't wrong either.

Da Jie, Mummy has no ill intentions. She just does not understand you. I know you tried, but if you give up now, the problem will never be solve. I understand that the pace of work is more stressfull and can really exhaust people totally. Life is a struggle... but you can see it in two ways, a struggle or a battle. a struggle means you surrender to what life throws to you. A battle means you fight... fight for what your believe you want in life. You have read more self help/motivitation books than I have.. but are you really doing it? I can't say cos I'm not you but the mentality say otherwise.

I respect the decisions that you make. If you do not want a start a family , then you have to be prepared that people will give you horrible remarks.Be sure of what you want,

What would you feel if mummy just pass on (touch wood) tomorrow? would you regret not taking care of her ? or would you be happy that no one disturbs you anymore?

Why can't I discpline myself

2007-09-29T22:30:00.000+08:00

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Look at this... Next week is my quiz week.. and i'm here watching tv.. not motivating myself to do better... haiz... what is wrong with me. ??

Guess who's back

2007-09-29T14:14:00.000+08:00

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Yep.. I finally got my blog back and I'm out of army... Finally.. I can start blogging again... Not that I love it but I guess its good to have a record of life so that after a while.. you could see where you are heading...

I'm not going to spend too much time writing today as I'm way behind schedule for my Mid terms quizs that are going to kill me next week....

Be Well..

27-31th March 2006

2006-03-31T18:37:00.000+08:00

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Hey... today is the offically the last day of march 06!!! so fast!!!! And to think that in December 05, I was asking myself how to past the whole year of 06... Well... This week was kinda short and long.. there wasn't much activities but was a rather busy one... Monday was kinda a preparation for tuesday's Field camp. We (Bravo Coy) are currently Operational Ready Men and are now learn the steps of deployment.. (can't go too detail here as its classified.. ) I can only say that there was lots and lots of digging and Me.. being the poor signaller of the platoon, had to dig and answer the signal set when there are messages comm. through... Not much sleep ( look like a bloody panda.. ) Along on monday was my Physothearpy for my back problem (for those who don't know what I'm talking about, I'm suffering from leaking spinal fluid on my L4- L5 (lower back) Disc( the gel between the two spinal bones in the spinal cord) ) Hmm... The specialist said that my back problem is still mild but I'm thinking too much..hahah He does not know what I do for a living.. I carry stuff that are like over 40Kg and run around with it... if this does not stop, I'm going to have a slipped disc.. of course I'm thinking too much.. I cannot afford to wait to such an extend to then panic... After all.. I still cannot accept that I'm no longer combat fit and would no longer be capabable to handle Combat duties.. haiz...

Back from field camp, I was so tired.. I slept like almost 10 hrs... ( could sleep some more but could not as had to attend first parade )

Thursday... Was my bereat Presentation, Finally.. after so many courses, I am offically a combat engineer!!! the CO came to everyone of us to put it on .. Frankly... I think my bereat is too big!!! cos I look like and idoit when i wear it.. hahhah... well.. spend the whole day marching ... practicing the parade procedures...

Friday was a more relax day for me... As I could not attend most of the training as cos of my back... haiz...

3 months later...

2006-03-26T03:18:00.000+08:00

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Hmm... Decided to blog more often to update and reflect on my life... I'm wasting my time by just doing nothing every week end... Life is kinda boring... Look its 3AM in the morning and I'm still facing the computer.. Why? Because I have no one to talk to( Everyone is asleep for goodness sake) , No GF (Duh... Unless you dun know me, I have no GF ever since this blog was formed) and No idea what to do in life.. Hey.. I'm suppose to have a work plan for the next 2 yrs.. but I ain't following any of it...Frankly, how many people reads my blog anyway...

Well.. This week was kinda werid week.. Monday was an Admin day for me in camp.. What I did? I did zzzz....... Eat breakfast zzzzz....... Eat Lunch and zzzzzzz...... Eat Dinner and zzzzzz.... (Pig hor?? ) Think I had enough sleep? Nar.. Why? cos it was range week... I practially fired my M16from tuesday to friday morning .... Used over like 200 targets and bullets... the sound... is quite scary after some time.. subconsiously, I keep thinking the target is a real person and the tought of killing... brrrb....... yucky... I forgot to wear my Ear plugs and got this damm ringing sound in my head...

I nearly fail my range!!! by the time I took the actual test, I've only slept like 7 hrs in 3 days... I could not even hold the Rifle properly..haiz... lucky... I managed to reshoot my Morning test and got an overall of 17 /28.... haiz....

Nothing much really happen.. (Was too tired to do any deep thinking) and also feeling sleepy now... Guess I'll do the rest of the updating tomorrow when i wake up.. stay tuned okie? (yawn... ) Nite

1st Day of 2006

2006-01-01T17:39:00.000+08:00

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Well.. Its really been a long time since I have sincerly blogged... Its a sunday afternoon (Heng today is a Public holiday and I don't have to report back to camp till monday evening at 8pm.) and its raining cats and dogs outside ... hmm.. so much things to blog.. dun know where to start.

I'll start with something personal.. something that someone i know would never come to my blog and see it.. why? cos she is too busy with her own life to even notice my attempts to connect to her.. hey... what is wrong with loving someone... Actually.. I wonder if I even know how to love someone... I know this lady for about 3 yrs... she used to be my course mate in Ngee Ann poly.. When I first met her... I was still in a relationship with my ex... and even thought I was attracted to her, I told myself that I will not leave my ex because of her as my Ex meant more to me and I hate people who would break up a relationship because of a third party.. But what the fuck.. my Ex left me for a third party... I cannot blame her totally.. cos I was also very busy during that time and could not spend as much time as i wanted to with her... come to think about it.. maybe god is really playing with me.. showing me how irresponsible I was by showing me this lady's ability to work her lungs off and forget about everybody.. she is kinda like me... why would i say that? because she like to work.. and her relationship capabilities are about the same as mine... work too much, spends little time with family... doing her NPCC stuff... just like during my time.. doing stuff for the clan, studying, spend very little time with family and SJAB... Its god's way of revenge I tell you.. I see no hope in ever salvaging the situation... Let it go... I tell myself.. Let it go....

Well, BMT phase of my Army life is over and I have been posted to the most unexpected vocation that I would never have expected... COMBAT ENGINEER!!!!! FUCK MAN!!! WHY IN THE HELL AM I DOING IN COMBAT ENGINEERS!!!! I tell you.. Lady luck is definatly not looking at me... First she gives me a fuck up relationship, now give me a fuck up unit... what is next... what is wrong with me!! I tell you... I'm really clueless how did I ever get to this unit.. I failed IPPT, SOC, SISPEC TEST( I think so.. I was the first one to peng san)... they put me into the most garang unit in Singapore.... And I was there only to fill up the numbers... can you imagine.. the whole company of taurus, I am the only one posted to combat engineers... WHY!!!!!!

During Friday's Live range training, when we were to set off the explosive that we were given.. they were lucky to not select me to go to place the demolistions... In the back of my mind, I kept thinking of running to the explosive when they were set off and blow myself up into tiny pieces.. I really can't take it being trapped in the camp!!!... Its like prison.... Man.. those guys in war time are really super powerful to maintain... I wish I could smuggle some explosive out and just bomb myself to death... end this misary once and for all...

I can finally swim... not a fast swimmer nor a strong one.. but at least, I can swim.. tried half a lap of the deep pool... managed to swim back.. nearly drowed... x_X... can you imagine this, After so many attempts to be taught by professionals, I was taught by a friend and self testing over time... what a strange thing..

I would want to stop here... stop thinking about army... Cos I'm really very grief about this situation already.... Below are just a few more point that I'm suppose to write but I'll leave it to some time later..

new yr resolution
inablility to move ahead..
photos

Long Long No Updates?? Here I go again

2005-12-15T05:03:00.000+08:00

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Well.. I know its awfully early to be awake.. but i'm glad i'm up early.. this is the normal time to be awake in the army..

you know guys? I have so many things to say out but i haven been writing... to pour out feelings that i have inside which needs to be addressed... haiz... maybe blogging is something good for me.. after all... i need to address this feelings somewhere..

Had a dream last night, I dreamt that i was a SJAB officer again training cadets again... seems that my heart and soul still belongs there... haha.. I imagine my Grade 5 rank as well.. haha... If i'm given the chance to be in SISPEC or OCS , I will take the scope more seriously... But its all dependent on god now..

Frankly, Its been 3 months or more since I have actually blog... During this time, I was trap in pulau tekong.. Serving my 3 months BMT Service.. Its finally over last week (6 dec) with the POP. On reflection, Yea... I screwed up pretty badly for my chance to be in OCS or SISPEC. I also allowed myself to conduct myself in an unseening manner/ Fall out too easily, no effort placed in training.. I nearly suffered from depression over there.. I find that my relationships with my bunk mates were so superficial as we know that we are together for 3 months only. My buddy was never able to get along with me, we belong to two different worlds and it also created alot of emotional havoc for me...

Life as a recruit is actually not bad.. they cannot takan us like mad as we are still in the learning stage.. Improve physyical and mental capabilites which i think that if had placed in more effort, it would have done wonders for me... there was all this mental straining activities like 2 hrs upper limb training which by the end of the training .. you would not have a single ounce of energy and your arms would feel like cup noodles.. or those road marches (24 KM ) ... shiok but hellish... I cannot imagine those who did 72 KM ...

I'll stop here now... Need to get something done... Part 2 comming up later..

Update to recent

2005-07-20T02:41:00.000+08:00

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Well.. I know i know.. I didn't update my blog for the past few....months?? well... two reasons... lazy and busy.. .after all.. I dun see anyone coming in to see my blog anyway...yea..... who cares about me anyway... :P ... Well... Lets see... what should i update... well.. Finally... June is over and my Six months have been over.. .this means that i have offically leave SJAB... Guess I want to put that chapter to close... I' ve got elected to Bukit Batok YEC and the new "IT Guy"... Kinda funny... why would I leave one organisation ... just to join another one...

Work is still the same... at the same company doing the same old stuff(If it was different, it would have been a killer).... Army is comming and I still haven LoSE WEIGHT!!!!... now with my back giving me problems.. i guess i going to have to surf the additional two months... haiz....

hmm... I met mattew today.... he's working in my CC.... as a tution teacher... hahah.. to see him of all places... in Bukit Batok? man... thats like the last place I should have seen him.. well.. its good to know that he's still around...

Did't went to work to day due to my back aches... (man ... you should have seen allthe blue blacks made by those needles and cups)... I woke up late... that was the worse thing... I pratically jumped out of my bed and in 5 mins ...V Meet with my boss... He waiting for like 20 min? ...sorry sorry sorry.... talk about business and task at hand..... well... i guess we ain't going very far this way...

Well.. after the meetings, I went for breakfast... made sandwiches and watch CARTOON!!! (I'm a Kid... common... i'm... like 12?? (12 is the opp. of 21) hahah.... ) took my medi... and YAWN.... Zzzzzz......

Woke up.. did some research (work) and then went over to CC to play Warcraft 3 with my friends... Damm cool... i killed Wei zhong today... hahahah... 1st time ever since i played this game!! yohoo....

Hmm... came on.. watch more TV...did some work.. and now blogging... ... Sad life right... I wish Miss Right would come and take care of me... *Sending signals out...* hahaha

recent update

2005-05-22T23:40:00.000+08:00

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Hmm.. business is bad... most of the schools have already planned their activities for the year and it will be hard to make them change their mind with the courses that we have.. Oh well.. we just have to keep trying...

Strange I felt so sleepy just now that i slept at 9pm.. but i only slept for 2 hrs!! now so awake.. how to work in the morning..

Uncle jim mention to me about my relationship with my ex...Frankly.I still want her back. If by any chance we can be back together.. I will take that chance and never let go... I leave everything back to god..

Its a slow week as I have burn my last week end to complete the entire database for faxing ...

Hahah... secert... faliza and I only called 3 schools.. due to I talk to much explaining her about telemarketing + i came late and + lack of experience.. oh well.. i hope nothing happens from there

Its super quiet

2005-05-11T02:14:00.000+08:00

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Well.. Its been a long time since I blog.. Overwhelmed by work.. Maybe its due to that I'm workaholic... so I keep working and working and working.. Cos there is nothing better to do..

So what I'm going to do now is to write a very very long entry for this blog...

Well.. I can only remember bits and pieces of my life over the pass few weeks.. those significent events..

I remember getting my first pay.... well its not much.. but well.. it goes to my saving.. but I did a really stupit thing.. i went to bet on soccer bets and lost it.. hahah.. its not I want one.. I only started betting cos my SIS and Mum does not want to loan me $$ to buy a bicycle.. I'm dying to get onto a bicycle and cycle and cycle the whole day... I wanted to find ways to raise the $$ so I tried to various means ...

The bicycle was damm cool.. frankly.. it was damm cool.. I love that bicycle... but you will love the price.. $900 hahah...

The clan organise chalet but i did not go.. 1st was I got depression..dun feel like hanging out with them.. 2nd was that I got NTU talk on adminsion ... so did not go... Frankly.. I need a life.. Where is life.....

Discpline...

2005-04-28T22:11:00.000+08:00

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Well.. Haven been blogging for the past two weeks... been working ... playing... at work.. today was a wake up call when boss practically ordered me to do task and well.. he mention.. i never fully complete my task... well.. true.. even today when he asked me to do telemarketing script.. I only did the first one and not the second one.. well.. I know my limitation..its my first attempt to write it. and i should be happy that i could finish the first part ... I kinda have to wake up right.. after all.. what i have been doing is not really work. its really playing... two things I hate.. Direct selling and Multi Level marketing.. Frankly... I dun know if I still want to do this Job.. or maybe i should take this as a challenge.. To be a real working job... and real working person...

NP Result Slip

2005-04-21T09:00:00.000+08:00

Ngee Ann Polytechnic
STATEMENT OF EXAMINATION RESULTS

NAME : CHENG WEISHENG
STUDENT NO. : 02672187F
NRIC :S8431322Z
COURSE :INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY
DATE OF EXAMINATION :MAR 2005
SEMESTER OF STUDY :06

MODULE GRADE ATTEMPT REMARKS
---------------------------------------- ------ -------- ----------
PROJECT A 1

CUSTOMER SERVICE
COMMUNICATION C+ 1

FAST STARTUP THROUGH
FRANCHISING B+ 1

WORLD ISSUES: A SINGAPORE
PERSPECTIVE B 1

WIRELESS TECHNOLOGY B+ 1

Star Trek day

2005-04-13T22:55:00.000+08:00

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Hmm... I covered over 29 espoides on the Star Trek Enterprise series within 3 days.. hahah... Other than watching Star Trek, I have not been doing anything else... Better start doing my SMS Server and I'll spend the rest of the time on star trek...

Work and Play.... Work and Play... I want to balance my life...

2005-04-12T18:28:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

What a day... Spend a whole day at uncle jim's house (Someone I'm working with). We made greate progress with the Powerpoint (hmm.. Did I teach him almost everything?? oh well... $420 for teaching Power point and do some discussion of helping out in his Presentation and SMS Server. Frankly, Its not the money anymore.. I don't mind working for free if I can learn alot of things from him.. I want to learn to be as innovative as him... I have high respect for him in the way he does things.. Sometime I wonder if its because he is testing his techniques to ensure that I can be a display model... oh well... Its for both to benefit if his training program is successfull... We went for Gym and had lunch together as well...

Frankly.. Uncle Jim have given me more advice that my family has ever given.. oh well.. hahah.too bad he not my god dad.. but my dad is the best... I will not give up that fact for anyone...

Peibing went steady with that bloody third party Wen sheng.. Damm.... haiz... I wish i could turn back time and stop myself for making the biggest mistake of my life.. not taking care of her properly... God.. Please... don't do this to me.. I want to stop this mistake...

TV day

2005-04-10T23:19:00.000+08:00

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Whole day just watch TV... and computer screen... yup.. Thats about it

SJAB Day

2005-04-09T23:19:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

My Safari Unifrom rank

My Public Duty Uniform rank

well.. It sure felt like an SJAB day for me.. I woke up pretty late this morning ( my stupit habit of sleeping late and waking up late is still affecting me ) . I pretty much spend my time eating breakfast and watching cartoon... It was well into 2 PM than I decided to go to see the Zone's First Aid Competition. I was kinda broke So I decided to cash in my tickets for cash..
Following that, I got into a cab and headed for boon lay secondary school. This cab driver was damm pissed off as I could not tell him the actual address of Boon Lay Secondary and had to check the street directory.. Could tell his pissed off mood when he slamm his street directory here and there. I wanted to Tip him for his service but I was also very pissed by his action and decided not to tip him in the end.
When i got to Boon Lay. It was like almost 5pm. Jie Yuan called me to go over and Talk crap and enjoy each other company... well... Did not see him for quite some time as he is currently doing his BMT. We wanted to go out but Ding Jun was not able to do so as he has his papers on monday.
We chatted waited for the Prize giving presentation to start. My corps sent 2 teams .. One got 6th in position, the other was 3rd.. out of 3 teams.. Nothing to be proud off due to the results.. we were so far away from the 2nd position. They seem happy.. I was rather pissed off.. We could do better..
Told Mdm Kwek that I resigned and alot others.. Its true that I resign but was given 6 months leave to reconsider.. How I wish they did not give me that 6 months.. Keep making me think of going back.. I miss the life of an officer,Been staring at my ranks... hoping that I could wear them and be back to active duties.. but... As much as I want to , SJ will not bring me to anywhere.. To go back will only prevent me to use my capabilites at better areas..

urgh.. Wonder what should I do...

What a day...

2005-04-09T01:24:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Man.. It was a cool day... Woke up at 12 and hey.. had a good rest and a good dream... I find it very interesting.. If I'm not tired and I sleep, my brain still works by making me dream.. hahah ... If its tired.. it will give me a blank sleep...

Hmm.. Did some thinking about the server and wrote some logic codes for writing into the server.. Man.. I'm rather lazy.. No discpline.. Say I should finish the server by today means I should do so.. Grrr.. Hey.. Body... Listen up.. I'm Boss here..not you.. I want you to have more discpline.. Is that clear!!!

After that went to CC to play warcraft.. I'm still bad at it but hey.. I'm with my friends.. I improve my skills... my God bro daniel join me later to play.

Daniel and I went to eat pizza and tok cock at void deck.. hahah... had such good times talking and joking.. I kinda pity the ppl staying upstairs.. cos We were laughing like no body business.. haha.. So cool.. We even ask our officer, Corps SO(4) Wu Minsheng if he wants to come down but too bad he was working.. too bad.. hahah but still cool.. we talk and even exchange ring tones..

Came home and watch sharman king.. I love that anime.. hee...

went to help yue hui with her blog after that.. and Now I am writing my blog.. hahaha

Slacking still

2005-04-07T21:23:00.000+08:00

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Damm... Watched Chase the TV series at Channel 5 at 8.30 Pm today.. Aw man.. Linda Ong is so the damm CHIO!!! hey.. I have seen anyone like her in my entire life okie.. I have never seen anyone who can stop me at my tracks for 1/2 and hour... so hot... so hot... so hot... her smile is so.. wonderfull... it really brings you to cloud nine... and her Eyes.. damm..I love her eyes... in fact.. her looks are damm attractive... nothing can fight her's man.. What attracted me more to this show was that the guy, ute, was chasing that lady... Damm.. Why do the guys always have all the luck... I was drooling okie.. I never believe I would do that but I was drooling...I remember the only one that I have ever got till so near is when i was in SJAB, There was this girl call Sze min.. She might have been a sec 1 and I was like sec 4 0r 5 but she was damm attractive.. super damm attractive.. she was the only cadet I ever had that I could not follow my rule on not to have any thoughts of relationship to my cadets.. WOAH!!!!!!!! Melting over here.... someone save me!!! AHH>>>>>>> I recently seen Sze min also... Seen her blog also ... well.. She had a not so good teen life so you can see those stress on her face... Oh well... I wish her all the best with her steady.. I think they are going to get married... okok.. I better calm myself down or I think i am going to go crazy for that lady.. I will never get to meet her , never be able to have the chance to go into a relationship with her... She's a TV star and hey.. she's older than me... By a few yrs I think.. Are all gals in that age that chio?? if so, Adulthood.. Here I come... :P~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rested...

2005-04-04T21:54:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Well.. Its been a week since my last paper.. I do nothing but go out, play, eat, sleep , watch TV and movie, shopping and nothing else... other than the usual stuff of bathing, shitting,cleaning up and etc..

Thats all...

Its going to be a long blog

2005-03-30T02:18:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Well.. This is the new version of my blog.. as promised.. but abit late right? i mention that it was to be out by mid march.. but due to my Final year report... It had to be delayed....

Well.. its been over a week since I have blog.. I wonder anyone reads my blog anymore.. I know one person does not read my blog anymore.. To her.. I might have already become someone distant... Someone she would not even think about anymore.. You know how powerful her impact is to me, I could even dream of her breakup with me.. and it keeps on getting worse... I have never dreamt of breakups before.. but she is the first person.. Well, she has been my first in alot of things also.. I wonder if she ever remembers...

Good news... NTU accepted me into EEE(Electronic and Electrical Engineering). Well.. I'm not too sure that is what I want. I'm hoping to apply to SMU to take Business Information Technology (BIT) Well... At least I got into Singapore U.. Car Car here I come.. hahah... :)

Exams ended on monday.. .I wonder was it I panic or was my body suffering from the reaction from the Milo that I had in the morning.. I have this problem.. I can get "High" with Milo.. my body will tremble onces the Milo effect wears off.. It only occurs to certain time and certain condition with certain brands of milo.

So many things to write.. yet nothing is in my mind now to write... As I listen to Gundam Seed OST, River. Oh Ya.. the blog skin was created with inspiration with that song. For me to do Websites, I need music to do it. It gets me to the write mood and activates my Creative mood.

Today my Grandma got admitted to hospital for high blood pressure and chest pain complains. haiz... She is already 72 yrs old. I cannot afford to see another death in the family.. Please god. Let her be able to carry her great grandson.

Strangly I think my family (Mum's Side) has serious psychological problems. My Grandma gets into fights and gets paranoid very easily. My First Aunt is "MAD" and my Second Aunt always thinks she is fat or she is sick and always have migranes. Haiz... My mother, a very anti-social person. Wonder what have got over everyone.. Will I end up like that as well?? Hope not.. but only time will tell..

The problems is that my grandma always fights with her neighbour about the noise made by her neighbour's 3 kids.. (Not to mention that they are indians (the older generation are rather racist)) . At the same point of time, she refuse to move over to my place or aunty pats place.. I mean.. this problem can be easily solve, for the short period of time, if she moves over to either one of the place so that it does not agitate her condition.

I'm still very confused with what is life and the future that I want to do. I want to be a paramedic but it will effectively take up the youth years of my life and who knows.. I might be out of job by 40-50 years old as this type of job requires physically fit people and not old people. being at that age, it would be hard to find a job and you would have already wasted almost half of your life.. Damm..

I want to play.. I want to enjoy my last 2 months of freedom. It should have at least 7 more months but due to NS, I only have 2 months.

I want to help Yue Hui.. She has been like me.. very stressed for the past few months and I want to help her to relax but I have no idea how to do so. We have so much difference in what we call relaxsation..

She took a photo of me and god.. I look like shit. I noticed I gained alot of weight and really looked white .. Guess I need to do something about that.

Part 2...

2005-03-21T01:21:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

So this is the end of a playing week. really slacked till death.. You know something, there is suppose to be class tomorrow but my leaturer did not mention what class i have to go to.. so stupit... Don't think i will be going for class tomorrow.. But i will work out the questions.

Today was a kinda fun day. Woke up to pass my rank to daniel cos zahara could not get it in time. I went over to Sub center only to find out she did not wear the rank today. But something was different.. I saw all my friends. and my brothers... I am very tempted to return back to SJAB but i can't make up my mind.

After hanging around .. I went home to watch TV and have lunch. I must have ate too much as i fell asleep and woke up only at 7. Thats also pretty much why I am so awake now

Went out at 7 again to meet for lunch, we went to the KFC again and eat buddy meal.I miss this big group outings already... haiz...

Daniel and I went bowling after we went to pasar malam to look at stuff to buy.. he bought alot of clothes while I did not.. Its not because I did not want to but its due tothat they did not have my size :(

Only problem today was that I am thinking of Pei bing again.. I want to go back to her... But would it hurt her more ?? Haiz.. Is the best way of loving her to leave her alone?? God.. I'm selfish.. I dun want to let her go... but... I want her to be happy.. URGH...

Sunday , 15th - 20th March 2005

2005-03-20T16:43:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Hmm...Last 5 days was kinda werid for me... Slacked the whole 5 days... went out to catch a movie.. Watch Howl moving castle with panda, wei zhong and Galvin... Interesting that Wei zhong suddenly took out potato chips and drinks from his bac.. *god.. I wonder what kinda of storeage facilities he has at home * . End up I took a pack of potato chips and drank a can of milo... hahah They told me they even at chai peng in the movie theater before. I believe my boldest attempt the smuggle in non-movie friendly food is a 2 pcs chicken meal from KFC with a large tub of Colesaw. Yum...

Made Panda can't study for the last few days.. disturbed him and christine while they were studying and made him watch movie. the rest of the disturbance were caused by his IVP presentation and CC activities.

going to make panda and galvin to join me in taking Basic Theory for Driving.... Man.. I can't wait to drive... Hope I can complete my licence before June.

Went to galvin house before watching Howl's moving castle so that if there was any spare time, we could play X box.. well we didnt cos it was too late.. but still.. I saw galvin's dog and it so FAT!!!!!!! *BTW... Galvin dog is a jack russle. the sparky in sturhub's IDD and Mobile Advertisement in the past.. only difference is that its 5 times that size.. it looked like a sausage!!!*

Spoken to Panda regarding YEC issue. I'm still troubled by it. Should i join, or should i not join. zzz.. Fell asleep while writting this..Daniel and ah dong ask me to have dinner with them.. So sleepy.. but they keep pushing.. so let them have their way bar.

YAY!!! FYP IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-03-15T13:02:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Hee... Its over... I think i should be able to pass but Not sure if i can get an A for it. *Pray hard* ... Well Now I only have 2 things to hnad.. WISP reflection and WT Examination.. Once these two is finish. I would have finish my polytechnic studies...

Kinda feel bad that made yue hui feel so worried.. I surrended to the sleep monster and did not wake up at 6am this morning.. and slept from 9-11.30 am as well.. hahah.. need lots of sleep to recover..

My specs kinda died before me.. during the final hours of writing my report, my spec broke into half and haha... time to get a new one... I'm now wearing the older one.. the one that you can see in the pictures... going to get the grip hold one instead of the normal hooks... get the one which converts into sun glasses automatically ... yea... new specs ...here i come...

got to sit down and start planning what i want to do in the future and these few months.. I know what i have to do has to suit what i want to do in the future..

maybe i would go into bicycle security business,or join xiong in sell stuff or work with yong wei to start education series or work with adrian to improve my entrepurner skills or work with uncle jim to in the SMS Business ... I'm kinda hmm... no idea what to do.. need to weigh the pros and cons...

I also want to learn how to drive... cannot wait to get in the driver seat... but where to find $$... got to talk to mami... haiz

I'm never trust love again...

2005-03-06T22:17:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Hmm.. I'm still rather confused... Well.. no matter what it is.. one value that I will carry on.. To finish my FYP Report.. I think I should adopt Yue Hui's mindset.. just do and do and do and do .... and do and do and do.. hack care and just do.. Yue Hui is also like another extemeist ... like me.. we only have right and wrong and never something in the middle.. I think she is quite cool... have the code of conduct..I also want to have mine.. I dun have any control over my life... I want that to change..

Jie xiong was like going i need concelling... maybe.. but its a discovery process.. Let me search my path and when i have got that path. i'm be back..Dj_FoXy V4.1 will be unleased.

Was watching mulian rouge.. i think its the wrong spelling.. at the ending. It told me to love someone like there is no tomorrow.. that was what i didn;t do with peibing... and i lost the confidence to love anyone anymore... I lost my personality by slogging ... now i lost my confidence to love... Maybe that is good, I dun love anyone, i don't hurt anyone..

Its just one more week before everything ends... Just a week left... after that.. its time to understand myself again

I'm Your Angel

2005-03-05T15:23:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-
No Mountains too high, for you to climb
All you have to do is have some climbing faith, oh yeah
No rivers too wide, for you to make it across
All you have to do is believe it when you pray
And then you will see, the morning will come
And everyday will be bright as the sun
All of your fears cast them on me
I just want you to see...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

I saw the teardrops, and I heard you cry
All you need is time, seek me and you shall find
You have everything and you're still lonely
It doesn't have to be this way, let me show you a better day
And then you will see, the morning will come
And all of your days will be bright as the sun
So all of your fears, just cast them on me
How can I make you see...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

And when it's time to face the storm
I'll be right by your side
Grace will keep up safe and warm
And I know we will survive
And when it seems as if your end is drawing near
Don't you dare give up the fight
Just put your trust beyond the sky...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

So lost... Just so Confused

2005-03-01T00:59:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

My mother asked me a question on why did I select such a massive and hard project for my final year project. I thought for a while and I think that this is me.. I don't know what is limit as I don't let a limit limit me.

Ever since Taking the First entrepurer project till now, I have been taking things that is beyond my capability and try to do them .

I don't really feel that bad for not completeing my project.. I have gained knowladge that not much people has. They downloaded the package and libraries for the SMS package while I did it from scratch.. Every single code of it... If I took it the safe way, would i be able to do it?

Take the case of the second store we had, ideas we had, were all beyond our capabilities but we never let ourself limit ourseld because of this reason... The ghost writer book which i wrote on Leadership, time managmement, human resource and telemarketing... They were not my strong topic and I still did them by doing more research and gained knowladge that no one in my age would have..

But why do I have such low productivity and so low moraled in doing the SMS buzz? Am I not interested to do it? Am I not having the desire to do it?

To define something I want to do an something that I need to do.. I have been doing SJAB from a Want to to become a Have to do... lost interest??? could that be the reason as well?

Just so confused by it

FYP ( Programming ) Is finally Over..

2005-02-28T16:20:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Well.. Work overnight to hope to finish my work but ..hmm. Having low productivity.. I was pushing myself.. doing more than I could in a day... In the end, my server is working , my database is working and currently only 2 of the 28 functions on my client side is working... Haiz...

Hate myself for being so slow... Why can't I be faster??? Why has my productivity drop?

I'm always like this.. lose hope at the near end.. where if i really do it. I could make it.. I was just so sick to complete the left over that i gave up.... Why in the hell would I do that??? Anyone can tell me??

I want to thank Melvin and Samuel for helping me over the night and during the entire FYP proces.. Without their support, I would have not even budge... Thanks guys..

Hahah..... went to "Gay" with Jie Xiong today...hahah..(I'm Straight mind you...) Just play around... His friend call me nescafe guy cos I drink coffee.. Whats up with the coffee anyway... I had not enough sleep... of course i would not be able to stay awake and therefore I need the coffee.

Jie Xiong and Hong Ming had a fight yesterday and they are playing cold war now... And I am sitting between them,.... Wonder would they tear off each other heads if i leave . hahah... Hey...Stop reading my blog.!!! Hong Ming..>!!!!! Grrr.. you see, he is sitting beside my playing game and every now and then he pop his head to see what I am doing... *KIcks*

Decided to give my last boost of energy for the last few weeks in school. I want to make sure that I do my report so well enough that I can score and get an A for my FYP...

Lord.. Bless me and guide me to the path of happiness and laughter.. I need to leave the old.. and move on to new heights...

Not much break.. On top of FYP Report, there is Demo , FSF, WISP, CSC assigments and revisions to do for the up comming examinations...

What a past

2005-02-26T22:38:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Can you imagine that Its so near to submittion and I was surfing on friendster?? I must be crazy..

I was looking at my class mates.. how they have change after all this years.. Either became a handsome man or beautiful lady.. Felix is so yan dao now and ginny is so chio.. and more andmore... Why do I look so ugly...

I also look at those cadets that I have lead during their years. All become so big now.. Many that i have helped to nurture and part of me is in them... I still remember a few of them who told me that If i wasn't there during their secondary school years, they would not have been what they were today.

Seen my fellow officers... looking at the familier Unifrom.. I miss it... But I have to let go.. my time to serve is over and I have to move to new grounds... to be a better man..

I hope to go on one last parade before I leave.. Wonder if I would ever have the chance to do so.. My effective resignation date is 7th July 2005... They are giving me 6 months to reconsider my decision.

Mdm Ruping went on to be a paramedic.. good for her...

Felix went on to the police force

Sir George got married

I miss my cadets... Haiz

I'm so disgusted with myself

2005-02-25T02:07:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Cannot believe that I wasted my time again... I did not expect that I had to do so much more .. it was like X 2 of what i planned... I decided to go on with the additional function of the sending and recieving and forgo setting and finance package. Haiz... I'm kinda disapointed with myself.. How can I be a programmer without discpline.. What is happening to me..

I finish like half a tub of Chocolate love letters today... Think and eat ... till.. u know... I feel so.. yucky now.. I really need a detox after my FYP.

Tomorrow still got lesson and there is like only 3 days to go. Maybe i should not work at home..too much distraction.. Someone please pei wo do work for at least this last 3 days leh.. or not i really cannot make it...

I really not thinking very well lao.. I can argue over with myself for an more effective system... keep questioning myself if its right or wrong.. haiz..

are we in another world when we dream??

2005-02-23T18:46:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Strange day today.... I slept alot.. when i skip school to do my assignment... haiz... what went werid was the dreams that I have while sleeping... Its all about love.. hahha.. strange.... I can only remember fragments of my dreams... no idea why.. well.. maybe you might have a different opinion of me after that... but Well you are in my darkest relam..

The first dream was like someone I like love... should be love.. cos all the things that I do after that... I think she was in my house... cos i remember my dressing table... next moment... we were like beaten up.. bruise all over.. she was like half naked.. I did not know what I did but manged to let them let go of us.... I took my shirt to cover her and we walked towards the exit.. it was a long and narrow path... we were almost to get out when I think their boss came and say: " where do you think you are going with this beautiful lady" his body guards told our their guns and move forward... we were cornered back in.. those that let us go did not say anything... She was crying and suddenly she scream and took of the shirt and say something like do what ever you(the boss) want and let him go... the next moment all were pointing guns at me and ask me to get out.. while leaving... one said that I should know that i should not do anything stupit if I still want my life... said I knew it the best as I was once like them..

I got out and someone was outside.. a kinda first aider... he fired a signal into the sky.. within minutes.. there were lots of guys taking rubber hose (Wonder if that makes a good wepon) and went in to beat the hell out of the boss.. ( according to the boss, he regreted letting his man leaving him alone... ) the beating was werid... beat lao still can stand up and ask himself what has he done.??? than turned around.. ( like beat lao no feeling like that one.. still strong) asked who made this attack.. I stepped out ( didnlt feel like the older me..) he was saying like who you think you are.. I tried to slam his head on the toliet bowl( did i mention all this happen at an area tat looks like a run down toliet)... But he was strong.. suddenly llike he has holding me close to his body.. and he took out some shiny metal object.. he placed it on my side of my Tummy.. This is when i woke up..

i thinkthat shiny object was a knife in it.. when press a button... the knife will shoot out and stab me...

I feel asleep in 3pm.. to 6.30... this dream also like cuddling and annocing that we are a couple.. there were another couple.. again with love, fights and etc.. and remember someone stab himself with a hack saw... ( I wonder how you do that...) an evil girl... but later soft hearted girl.. was the girl i like?? werid dream... than remember alot of dun make sense things..

Why does this feel so real?

2005-02-22T23:13:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Hmm.. Just finish watching Taiwan .. Pi li huo... hahah... hmm last 6 espisode... yay.. .finally... but why at this week!!!! anyone have their vcd?? I wanna watch...

Asked pei shan to help me submit the various application form for NTU... Thanks Pei Shan...

Work... Study...leature...

Displayed whatever i had of my FYP to my leaturer... say can pass.. but not an A ... haiz... sian 1/2 ... I going to chiong.. finish this whole thing.. and when i rest, i will feel its worth the rest.. Jia you!!!..

Been watching Power ranger mophing sequence.. wa.. the new power rangers are so cooooooooooollllllll !!!!!! heee... found a new power in me... as a ranger??? hahah

Hmmm had meeting for E club just now... seems that we are really going to do it.. tuesday the vendor comming

oh welll.. time to get back to work .. I'm not going to think of anything else other than FYP for the rest of the week.. Nothing else..

Sleepy? nods head

2005-02-22T02:22:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Hmm.. worked like hell during the week end.. but did not go far as there was lots of bug.. this HTML cum JSP cum JAVA SCRIPT cum SQL program of mine... really starting to piss me off. I still haven not finish a single function. I hope that with the completion of most of the first function. I could port the rest easily to the rest of the function.. Thats What I hope..

Week end was boring.. No life... Just eat, sleep ,work and TV... lot less than what i used to watch. I miss black hawk down.. Sob sob sob.. was looking forward to watch but.. $#%^(&^#@)^ FYP... oh well.. I'll dig for its VCD...

Monday.. hmmm.. woke up.. so lazy... apply for NUS.. system halfway crash... and it wasn't my fault... they had some error ... Gave up applying for NUS.. I was suppose to meet boon swee in the morning but I was too shag to do so... I decided to meet him in the afternoon.. I was so shag that i did not leave the house till 3.20 when i am suppose to meet him at 3.30.. I ended up taking a cab to school ( I'm fucking rich issit.. what in the bloody mind would i do that.. I still have no answer) .. Only reason I know was that I was asking Boon swee a favor to fill up those forms and I should not be late .. bad impression.. BUT when i reach therem, he was busy and I had to wait for him ...(#$%&*&%^$@%^&#($&^

carry on doing my FYP till 11 at night in school.. How I wish someone would just pei wo every day for these few days so that I can work and dun feel so bored and so irritated... I'll marry who ever who does that .... hahah... no kidding..

6 days to submittion.. I'm still FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR away from completion... That is bad... i hate it as I was suppose to complete this 2 weeks ago.. Ouch... i just felt a blood vessel blew up in my eyes.. My body is degerating.. I need to finish this fast and get my health back.. Lord.. give me strength to finish this ...

wrote a bull shit essay on legal rights of franchising for my assignment.. research while eating two apples... and wrote it in an hour.. either my authoring skills while writiing the retail book paid off. Or i was really bull shiting..

Lonely and longing for warmth..

Wilson

what a mad rush

2005-02-18T15:18:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Finish... 3 out of 4 assignments today... Plus my registration for NTU, I still have my NUS application and my FYP ...

At least I can let out a breather..I managed to do much of stuff over short period of time.. but at the risk of my body.. and lots of coffee...

:)

Sleepy

2005-02-17T22:11:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Gosh.. Been on coffee for the last few days.. the only thing keeping me awake is the song that is on the blog.. She will be loved... ahah...Lap top .. I love you.. Surivived with me for 3 years.. when all things fails.. you still stand by me.. thank you... muckz,.... :)

The 3 of us ( 2 WT assignment mates ) and I was so shag today that we could not even think straight.. I drink like 500 ml of coffee...

I will take a break tonight and do my WT and CSC assignment... This just got in.. one of my SFS module mate not going to do his part of his assignment.. Tonight I going to burn midnight oil to finish his part... Oh well.. do more work, Learn more, Think less of non-important stuff like love and play..

Well.. I just have to think.. what would be my reward in the end, Better results, better position for applying University ( Lord.. Please help me.. ), Going to spend a whole day at Ubin with friends cycling the whole day.. have my sushi celebration... I can't wait.. Thinking of it just engerise me.. Yea.. I'm awake now..

Going to start work now...

Jia You..
() () () () [] []
(>_< ) (. _ O) [ ^_^]
() * () () * () [] ^ []
U U U U V V

No idea why I am doing this.. but... heee.. looks cute..

Maroon 5

2005-02-17T22:06:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

She Will Be Loved
by Maroon 5

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times
but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterfliesI
t's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain,
ohLook for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Messy...

2005-02-17T01:26:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Let me destress... dun read unless you are super bored..

I'm not too sure how I am feeling now... I came home at 10.30 and watch TV for 2 hours straight( Despite the creeping dateline) It was like ER and Without a trace on TV 5.. both protray death.. One even had a heart and lung transplant and they show how those body was cut open and etc.. started reminding me of my paramedic days... Should I have left SJAB in the first place.. Should I have forgon my Paramedic dream because of short commings, when the organisation is in trouble, am I a coward to face those challenge??

I remember I started heading the organisation with out any knowladge.. It was hell as I did not know how to do anything but just went on and stumble and learn stumble and learn... Where is that passion now? I left because I'm tired, I'm defeated, I want PB, I was lost, I wasn't thinking straight? Cos of FYP, cos I panic, God I hate myself.. Why did I forgo my service to mankind...

I really have no idea what is happening... in Without a trace.. I saw the policeman, A step family but still so loving while I find only emptyness in my own family.. one by one , Death or illness.. My Dad left early... I never really got to know him well.. He died when i was so young that i could not even know him other than he comes home every day tired and I was damm irritating and damm spoilt... My grandma who dotes me the most, I always make her angry and when dad died, she moved out and I hardly visited her.. The last time that I saw her was on near death ... she was so skinny.. so tired.. yet happy to see us... I wonder if we should have visited her... cos the very next day she passed away.. and I haven visit her grave yet... 2 yrs already.. I dun dare to... my uncle passed away last year with lung cancer.. Smoking kills..Never ever smoke.. no matter for what reason.. never ever smoke...God must be playing a trick on me.. Lord.. you know very well i can never convert to christian till my death bed as I am the only son of the family.. Please dun let them leave me one by one..

The house may be big.. so what... Its so empty.. Its like a hotel... come home.. sleep and next morning you go out till night... Even if i am home, there is no one else.. my sis and her husband are so busy its like a hotel to them as well.. my mother... a heartless person..I dun blame her as she has to take care of the family while nursing the wounds of death one after another... I don't even spend like 2 hrs with her in a week. When was the last family outing we ever had... none in the past 5 years..

I hate myself for not knowing my dad when i was younger.. I did not cry doing the whole funneral and walk away when i was suppose to pay respect.. I hate myself for doing that.. I even though it was fake.... Damm..

My aunty now with mental depression and I doing the same thing that I always do.. Stay away.. not that I dun want to do anything but I just dun know what to do.. I see my mother so strong,. while I , a first aider for over 8 years.. just dumb founded... Shit...

I'm not suprise to come out with a conclusion that the reason why i might be so desp. for gf when i was younger was due to the fact that I could not find love at the correct places and look elsewhere.. and this resulted in a very seperated family... so what if I could take care of so many kids, or a gf, or a organisation when I cannot take care of myself and my family...

I want to change.. I need to change.. I must change.. but I have no idea how.. my dreams ... ambitious... to let relationship in... PB had all the right to break up with me..l. I admit I did not take care of her well..

Why do humans need feelings and emotion.. Computer.. its either a Yes or No.. either this or that.. why can;t life be so easy.. or be programmed... Yes or no... do this or do that.. no feelings.. no second thoughts... no scolding and cursing oneself after doing things that you dun want to..

I know what I am suffering now cannnot be compared to alot of people out there ... I know NLP , I know What I am suppose to do.. But I'm tired of that life of I must do this.. I must do that.. I must study.. I must do training.. I must Imust i must... fuck this I must.. I'm tired.. I want to just let go everything... and have a new life.. a new direction.. a new meaning to it.. I dun want to be held back.. I want I want I want...

SUn shine person.. How can I every be such a person.. no matter now much advice I did tell people or serve the citizens of SG or SJAB... to my kids.. all my it can be done talk ..It really tiring ...

Wonder why i am so happy today...

2005-02-16T00:07:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

squeezing out brain juice like never before.. 13 days before project submission... Scared... :( oh well.. do my WT assignment, do my FYP and went for 2 leatures today.. that was lots of work..

Sian.. heard my mentor say he help me check my results on the level and say i top 20% .. what the shit.. why not top 10% ... i got to work harder for my FYP and i might just hit roughly 10% ... Lord.... please watch over me... Papa.. I need your help more than usual...

Yue Hui replied to my tag board today.. frankly I have no idea who she is and I had never seen her before but when I saw her blog and what was in it.. (Wonder if I was allowed to do so anot). my heart just went out to her... I felt like what she was feeling.. the world is just agains us and realise that I am not the only one around here who has this problems... we need to get on with life or we are never going to excape from this hurdle.. Jia you bar yue hui, and all those who feels that the world is againts them.. we are in this same boat... give each other strength and we can cross this hurdle.

Win the soccer bad.. $40 extra.. now to do my next step... save half play half.. 1 step forward to getting my dream bicycle.. can't wait.... heee

not much feelings to write as I only have one feeling in me.. MY FYP... OH MY BELOVED FYP... LET ME COMPLETE YOu..hahah... . _<

My Worst V day in my entire life

2005-02-14T23:31:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Call me a jerk if you want.. I still cannot forget her.. She is just too rooted into my life and there is nothing in this world that can replace her.. never... I bet she must be out with that fucking asshole sob.. hope he dies soon...

Celebrated with my Laptop .. Running out of steam on my project.. I getting slower and slower day by day.. i'll push on till the end... lord.. show me the way to the light...

Bought my first soccer bet today.. Young lions vs some werid china soccer team.. hahah.... $1.85 ... paid 50 for it... hope i win something

I feel so tired.. maybe due to the lack of excercise... and without her... URgh.... why does life have to be so bad for me... I know i got to move on.. but i still want her more than anything else..

Another day has passed

2005-02-13T00:47:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

17 more days to FYP

2005-02-11T15:16:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Well.. i'm getting more and more afraid that i can't finish.. I keep telling myself that I can finish it by sunday so that I got time to the other sections. Feeling alittle sad that i'm no longer a UG officer but i guess i have to move on.. as much as i want to move on, there is a part of me longing for the past.

Skipped my 3-5 class today.. After all, i'm suppose to submit my assignment today but i have got it done yet... I think i can afford to excape for another lesson but pray hard that i dun get debarred for this.

Sitting here with Jie xiong at the convention hall to do assignment so i decided to stop by and blur out everything..

Last few days was not really a good days for me. I don;t have anything that can brighten my day... This is a very interesting year as that i left immed. after reunion dinner with the reason that i want to do my FYP. Even though it was part of the reason, another reason was because i have nothing to say and i did not want to say anything either. What do i have to do to be lifely again... What do i have to do to make me happy again?

FYP FYP FYP... Maybe if i work really hard for my FYP and do a very very good job, i'll rest happily after that

make myself happy...

It been a long time

2005-02-08T21:28:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Hi guys... I wonder if there is anyone who comes in here to read this anymore... After All, blog would not be popular for long...

Well.. Still working on my FYP.. Seems that I'm really behind time... None of the application is considered finalised... its another 20 days to go.

Well.. Today is Chinese new year but I still dun feel any better.. I left early as i did not want to speak.. in fact i did not want to talk or see anyone.. its not their fault.. I just wanted time on my own...

I must be getting used to be alone.. dont like to have ppl around me anymore.. I just want to be in my own world.. even though i know this is wrong.. sub consious I'm still doing it...

Everyone knows how to get me out of this mess but it seems that it will never come possible as that person does not know

What does it have to hurt so bad??

2005-01-29T22:33:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Well, Today.. Rotted again.. Did alittle bit of work and solved the bug problem that I had.. Well It needs a lot more of testing to get this done..

Saw her online today.. Its became really hard to talk in our conversation any more.. She does not even care... Haiz... do you know it hurts to be treated like that?? How would she know anyway..

lalalala...

2005-01-26T23:08:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Hmm... I haven been updating my blog... It seems that the tag board is having some problem. Those who came in here must be waiting reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll long..hahaha

Well.. I got a new phone .. NK6820.. Yesh.. So fun to play with.. can record human voice as ring tone.. those who know me well will know what I will do with it.. heee.... Siao Wei... le wu teng hui leh.. hahah... and SMS .. Siao Wei... Le wu SMS... hahah

Well.. I'm still not as effective as I'm suppose to be.. One day's work spilled into two.. maybe three days.. haiz.. but at least there is progress.. I'm on my way to finish the first part of the 3 sections of my project.. Horray

Uncle jim seems to be excited to do up the SMS project.. I really not sure if i should work with him.. rather uncomfortable with the age gap. .He can almost be my father lao loh.. hahah

Well.. Uncharted water, here i come...

am i in for depression???

2005-01-25T01:46:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

I question myself.. Am I in depression?? I start to develop signs for it..

stress level high
Sudden craving of chocolate
Over eating
Irlogical thinking
problem sleeping well..
hands trembling...

haiz...
god... help me .. please bring me out of this hell hole...

What a boring day...

2005-01-24T16:07:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

I'm sitting at the school library level5 , at a corner while letting my computer install Macromedia ... I still have to go over to service center to get the key later.

I now very good at stoning... I was at the service center for one hour just to wait for my turn to come.. I just sit there... did not take a book out to read or anything like that.. just stone till my turn came..

wa... my library fine so ex.. $8.30 .. I got to be more responsible.. how can i chalk up so much fines.. so unnecessary to do that.

Internet's back again

2005-01-23T22:27:00.001+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Yesh!!!Internet is back again.. with a new linksys 802.11g wireless router...HAAAHA I can blogtill mad... :P

Today.. haiz.. still not productive.. Only designed I Main interface, one menu bar and Port detector, Spoken to My Brother in law to see what are his comments.. Seems that he also agreed that its one good step to head to.

Daniel came over to take all the SJAB stuff ... Oh well... New venture... after that we went for dinner, So SLOW was so hungry , i had a buger after a plate of chicken chop.. tsk tsk.. going to do my 6 click run to get rid of all this fats.

Going to have to finish my sender and reciever today.. Dun mind if it dun link to database yet but at least the modem must be settled

Internet's back again

2005-01-23T22:27:00.000+08:00

Long Time no updates

2005-01-23T01:43:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Well, Some time... Internet still down.. I wonder when it ever going to be up... Haiz... Over use my dial up account.. Die.. x_X

Well.. Working on my FYP as usual, and still cannot concentrate too well, At least its better now that i don't have to worrie about SJAB. I'll need a method to make me sit down and do my work.

Well , Finally talked to Miss yeng and she agree to let me go!! Alright.. I'm free from SJAB!! Forever!!! But Mr Yong gave me 6 month leave. Haiz.. Wrote to Mr Goh for my release.

Serve enough.. Lose enough because of it.. True I gained.. But I paid back what I have gained.. I serve the same amount of years that I gained.

Oh well, I want to meet up my cadets for the last time. SMS Miss yeng about that.. See what she say.

Well, I'm making good progress in my project and I got Uncle jim back to the project again..hee.. Well I hope we can start a business this time around...

6 KM run

2005-01-20T01:51:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

I Should run more often.,. I like the feeling after running.. more carefree.. its like the troubles cannot catch up with you and you feel so free.. heee... Less vexed... happier.. diet... what else can i ask for...

ITs all over...

2005-01-19T23:12:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

I'm finally off from SJAB. Minsheng has approved of my resignation and I can finally concentrate on the one and only task... I feel kinda bad...Leaving everyone like that.. I'm kinda unwilling as well.. I still want to convert them to be better.. But I can't even settle myself.. How to settle them...

Business over, SJAB over... you think she will ever come back??

I really did what I promise to her.. Everything over by March... But I got a feeling this is not going to change her decision. But at least I did my side of the bargain. If she says no, what can i do.. I can rot till july and than go NS.

Did really nothing much today... But I felt that I did alot.. .This is bad..

I feel sucky.. I need to get out of this feeling... Someone save me from this drowning hole... I'm sabotaging my self...

I really can't believe this that I reduced to such a small puppet.. Lost of all reasons...

I close my final chapter of my old life..

Maybe it has something better on the other side

Hmm...

2005-01-19T15:08:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

I Still haven answer myself what reasons do I have left in SJAB to stay.. I still have not develop my sense of urgency... haiz... oh well..

Wanted to go cloud seeing today.. but too many dark clouds.. see half way sure got free bath one.. haiz..

i need entertainment and laughter and be with someone... I think that is why i/m lacking and trying to find..

Anastacia << Left Outside Alone>> The song on my blog

2005-01-18T01:14:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

[INTRO:]
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairy tale my way
Been living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I don't feel safe..
Ohhh..
[V1]
Left broken empty in despair
Wanna breath can't find air
Thought you were sent from up above
But you and me never had love
So much more I have to say
Help me find a way
[CHORUS]
And I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone
To be left outside alone
I tell ya..
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Been living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I need to pray
Why do you play me like a game?
Always someone else to blame
Careless, helpless little man
Someday you might understand
There's not much more to say
But I hope you find a way
[CHORUS 2]
Still I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone
To be left outside alone
I tell ya..
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Been living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I need to pray
Ohhh. Pray...
Ohh.. Heavenly father..
Save me.. Ohhhh..
Whoaooooaoooooo
[CHORUS 3]
And I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone
To be left outside alone
[OUTRO]
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Been living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I need to pray...

I question everyone...

2005-01-17T23:20:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

I question what is the commitment level of my team... my so call team... I'm so shocked.. I'm so amaze to only realise that they are only doing this without reasons... without knowing why... their level is just so frail.. so small.. its just too small... their combined effort can't even win me... Its more of i do this cos i have to do it.. its a must do but i'm not interested to do... I don know if it's my fault or its whois fault... I dun give a damm.. I lost the very last reason to be in SJAB... I lost it...I'm leaving.. Wheather you like it or not i Dun give a damm.. I want my freedom back.. My sacfirice is just not worth it.. ITS NOT WORTH IT!!!! URGH!!!! I going to explode.... can't believe that i'm so stupit and so dumb to only realise that i have been fighting a lose war ... If I have to leave to make them bonded, I will.. Cos that is the only thing i can offer..If i have to lose these friends to make them work.. I will cos there is nothing more to do other than to do this.

What a day.. What a day...

2005-01-15T01:10:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Hmm.. today didn't went that bad... Woke up ... late again.. hahah... But today felt different.. Maybe I woke up today with a purpose?? Settle SJAB First Training session ... Well Wonder if the suggestion of games are that... hmm... good idea... Its like all the other UG groups are skinning their cadets alive while we like playing?? hmm.. lets see the results..

8-10 lesson.. 10-10.30 had brunch (breakfast and lunch) than went to buy the stuff for the games and than buy printer Ink..Went to office to print all the BF Forms for TIC to sign..(Finally all the information is here) but office black out as the renovations shortcirculted the system.. grrr... hate them.. make me seem so unprepared...

115 I was in School.. My instructors are mostly early.. only a few late.. I writen my guidelines and my officers have vetted through.. It seems that most of them say it good but still my instructors cannot follow orders.. haiz..

Even though the activity was completed.. My reviewers mention that most of the desired Ice breaking and Bonding are still not there.. Its not too late as we still got another 2 weeks to go...

Went out with Sam and Daniel for dinner and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk.. and joke and laugh and check pain... made progress in our planning as well.. thats a good sign..

You know what guys.. I love my God Sis Diana....She willing to help me when I needed the most.. my Library card maxed out and I need to borrow another book so that I can finish the retail book (talk more about it later) hee.. Thanks Diana...

Hmm... Apple also help me send the file of what her bro has done on the retail book.. Grrr.. NOTHING WAS DONE SINCE LAST WEEK .. WHAT THE $#(%U)$^&A#)$^&#_$86 ... Thanks Apple...

I wonder if I am stupit or dumb.. Today I woke up and along the way to school.. my Brain suddenly told me.. "HELP YONG WEI FINISH HIS BOOK"... And I decided I will...I was selfish.. Saying that my FYP is going to kill me(which I am awfully off track) But He helped me in my darkest hour.. In my need... he was there... And i should be there for him.. thats what true friends is all about. At the expenses of everything, I'm going to help him.. I should pay back for his help for the past 4 years..

My friend told me that she saw her and him at clementi and she was very happy.. I made my Vow.. unless i'm done with everything.. I will not go back and disappoint her. Just hope that I will not be too late...

God, Thank you for today... I feel the reason why I exist.. Thank you.. in Jesus name I pray.. amen..

3 days...

2005-01-14T02:15:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Hmm.. Internet still down.. so Hardly got online. Even if I was, I needed all the bandwidth that I can get from this 56k modem.. so that is the reason why I did not update...

Well... Been going to class on time this week.. Still feeling very down.. Its going to be the 3rd month soon and I still seem no different from that day...

I decided that I'm not going to have any communication within that matter untill I settle all the things. I'll show that I meant what I said.

Mr Tham spoken to me.. He thinks I should stop school for this semester.. I wonder if I really have turned out this bad... Maybe I should consider.If I really cannot finish my FYP, I will consider to Stop school...

I really need to find my reasons.. Find my reasons to survive in this world... Where can this answer be... Apple... help me by taking care of me for this few months want?? hahah.. you keep saying got nothing to do.. ... I must be mad...

I wonder if I having tumor in my head.. I haven been able to concentrate for quite some time already and worse still.. everytime I feel like concentrating, I feel that same spot keep hurting.. Like there is something pushing againts it.

San dong and Lizhi sick, Nic working, Daniel studying Jun hao studying, I studying .. Like that only left Samantha to go for training tomorrow.. Well I have planed out the training schedule and have prepared a guideline for all the instructors to follow. Hope all goes well..

I had this funny dream today.. I dream of someone that I used to have a crush with.. Well.. Recently She has been around me.. and in that dream.. Its like she say she knows that I like her and she like me but we dun show to each other... hahah... damm witt.. its just a dream.. Even if she really likes me(which can't be cos we really not meant for each other unless one is willing to do alot of changes) , I don't think I can accept... Buts its a fun dream... heee... stupit uncle woke me up... grrr...or not can dream longer...hahah.... *pish myself*

I found a book tittled :Burn Brightly without burning out: Hmm.. just a book that i need to answer myself..I read it and felt...hmm... No difference from Yong wei... I am going to repeat reading that book everyday to get me motivated...

Her homework is more important than me... Well.. In certain sense, I know its more important but I used to be that same importance... now... i'm not and I still can't get over it.. That is why some times i really hate talking to her... But oh well.. I can't say anything much anyway... She already made her mind.. what Can I do...Wait till than loh

Naruto is so cool...

2005-01-11T17:36:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Finally got to watch Naruto 116-117 Episode. Its so cool.. waited 2 weeks for it to come out.. There is things like Idol withdrawal.. I suffered from Naruto withdrawnal... How i wish i got those powers like the charactors in there... so smart in thinking...

Two Down.... 3 to go.. Still got a long way before this part of the series end... hahah...

Today leature was so boring... FFSS and DDSS ... how wireless transmission occures....

Well.. I got to settle All BF forms tonight, Prepare for tomorrow quiz and settle the proposal for the Information group.

Apple say I super busy.. Well I am.. Only in this way I don't think of anything else... just work and work and work.. who needs love when he is busy till hell.. Thats what the newspapers always say.. singaporeans work till they drop.. and miss out in their personal and love life... oh well..

going to print out all my notes for tomorrow quiz.. wish me luck preps.... take care everyone..

Long weekend

2005-01-11T01:51:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Hmm... took so long to write .. Well.. Bo bian.. Internet down at my house... got to use.. Slow *#%&(#(% dial up connection.. Well.. Had a very stressful day today... Lack of sleep, stressful meeting. too much coffee..= Brain dead... My brain was nearly ripped off from my head today.. I could not take it much longer.. went to sleep for a few hours only to be awaken by miss yeng regarding corps issues.

Sat started off late as I woke up just to go for SJAB meetings... and my auntie's house for chicken rice... That meeting was crap... Wonder if they really ever considered anything before they annouce their plans for 2005.

Sunday.. Play day.. went to watch Meet the fockers and when for dinner with sam and Daniel.. we ended up all 3 buy one type of t-shirt. when got chance, we all 3 will wear... heee...

Started to write the leadership chapter for the retail book only at 12... Should have had some self discpline and do it earlier... Only finsih the research and first draft at 4. could not take much of it and went to fall asleep

I really wonder if she does not even feel anything at all. I cannot face her.. thinking of her only makes me guilty and I dun know what to sms her.. Other than school work.. It seems that our conversation never got anywhere..

She seems so happy when she called me.. Oh well... As long as she is happy.. I should not say much..

First Half of the day

2005-01-07T11:36:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Well.. I just finished all my presentation for the day. for FFS Presentation.. I feel that I was different in presenting but still not up to the standard yet. I just could not remember the points to speak.. haiz... oh well.. at least it better than some . I need to increase my confidence for Speaking and control my movements...

WISP presentation was an interesting one.. we had a funny start and her presentation was kinda ....weriod.. When it came to my turn.. I did not have the right atmosphere to present.. Its not really her fault.. I did not warn her that she has to do the presentation.

I still feel bad... maybe I will sms her my apology later..

What a strange day

2005-01-06T21:35:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

This is getting bad.. my concentration span is getting from bad to worse.. I did not do anything else other than WISP and FFS... I should have finish both of this by morning and worked on my leadership book and FYP But I slacked.. Lazed around.. I felt irritated by it and became very bad mood today.. I could not control my temper today and it flared during the discussion ... I find it distrubing as this is not me.. I normally keep my temper to myself and only flared if I have to... worse still.. I felt worse as I scolded someone a bitch today.. Maybe because her style and tone and the way she does thing reminds me of someone in the past that I think is a bitch and I suddenly scolded her bitch.. Worse still.. I scolded her behind her back.. Worse still .. I think one of her friends heard it ... Not that I want to scold but I have no idea why I flared over her.. She did not provoke me... that the even worse still... Other than the other time where found her rude.... just ask me to go out and present without even preparing the material... when we were suppose to... Urgh... I feel so bad and trouble after that.. How am i going to face her tomorrow.? Haiz... Hate this sucky feeling... Hate this mood swings... Why am I facing such a problem? Why am i not productive ? Why am i having mood swings??

Traffic jam..

2005-01-05T16:13:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Hmm.. woke up late as usual.. Well.. I slept at 3... which is in improvement cos normally i sleep at 4.. I got to reduce my sleeping time to 12... got to set my bio clock back again.. What was worse was that there was a traffic jam.. it took 20 minutes to get to 4 bus stops.. I was so pissed that I decided to walk.. and sure enough..I was faster than the bus..

Best joke.. My Leaturer was even later than me... hahah Save by the jam.. I made this remark to him that those came after 9 am cannot be considered as late as of the jam and he was not in class..heee.. He agreeed.. Saved.. you see... I haven been able to attend class on time for the whole of this semester.. so If today was also considered late.. I would be liable for expulsion.. hahah... I better tune my bio clock so that I can wake up on time..

Well Today's practical was on Blue tooth..Play around with the blue tooth PDA.. so CoOL.. I also want... but now not worth buying.. I want to save money first.

Well... Had butter rice again for lunch.. After all those exercise , I'm not going to lsoe weight cos I eat such fattening food.. Maybe I should run later... did two days of arm training, should move to legs for a day...

well.. went to office instead of home cos internet is down... I need to do my research on the Tamil tigers in sri lanka... Cos I have to hand in my report on friday.. haiz.. So much kiliings so much hate.. humans... wonder if it was a right decision to place feeling and emotions to humans..

Well.. I'm now gonig to go home and do my report and read the book on leadership cos I have to finish it on sat. than I will also finish my activity flow diagram and do research. I target to finish my paper work by sunday.

Ingore this.. Just let me get it off my chest... Esp Pei Bing.. Dun read it...you will regret if you do..

2005-01-05T01:18:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Can't be bothered to do my work again.. I have an Assignment to be submitted on friday but I haven even started... I know.. I' m suppose to look at my goals and move forward... Never look back.. But I did... and here I am .... Feeling bloody low again..

After reading the e-mail that Samantha send to me (For those who have no idea what I am saying.. its the post that is below this.) I felt down... and bad.. We really lose each other long ago.. very long ago.. Our last year of relationship was a goner.. I took everything for granted, worked on my dreams with hope that she will support me... saw the warning sign but i keep brushing it aside.. Like what Yong Wei said.. I should have nip to problem at its bud with it was still possible.. what are the chances that we two can ever get back together... Even thought we are still SMS each other.. I don't even feel that she place any importance for me.. I know she is stress as she is in year 2 and I don't want to stress her any further.. Let me take all the pain... let me carry this burden... I want to cos thats is to only thing that I can do for you now.. I only hope that she can carry on with life with joy and laughter... I know she can cos she has been going out with her friends almost everyday... while I here... work my way out... I feel down.. Look at my goals... I feel down... Look at my goals.... I feel down .. Look at my goals... I cannot turn back... I cannot turn back.... If I ever turn back.. I will go to the tallest building and jump down... I will not turn back.. I cannot turn back.. I cannot go back to the place where its even worse the hell.. I cannot go back to the place where everything is hell.. I cannot go back to a place where coldness and darkness is there... As much as I need her... As much as i love her... as much as i want to.. I cannot turn back.... I cannot hurt her again.. not today.. not tomorrow.. never... I will never do this again...

I hate myself for not able to give her the best and I vow that I will not go into a relationship or even think about it untill i can give everything to that person... I don't ever want to hurt someone who will love me.. I dun want to ever hurt anyone again... Why does my heart hurt so much... why must it hurt so badly.. Why can't I even save this relationship... why do i always have to break the hearts of those who love me... who truly love me... why... why am I such an asshole..

Read Daniel's blog... we are so in common.. stress... Study stress, relationship stress, sjab stress, family stress.... I also miss her hugs... I truly long to be able to hug her again..I'll hug and never let go.. I'll hug ......... and never let go... never ever let go............ But....... I can't... it will only hurt her again..........going back into the relationship will only hurt her again... I am so hopeless..... I can't even take care of my family or my stead... Ex..stead...I dying to be love... My family can't.. my ex. can't... I want someone to care and concern for me.. I want someone to love me...I want.... but I cannot have it... Cos I will only break that person heart....

Saw my friendster.... all the testimonials.... All the past.... When she was still mine.... why must I be such an asshole to only regret.. I REGRET!!!!!OK!!!! ADMIT THAT I REGRET!!!! I'M A BLOODY ASSHOLE WHO CANNNOT DO ANYTHING RIGHT!!!! OK I ADMIT IT... SO WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO... WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!!!! I CAN DO ANYTHING... JUST COME BACK TO ME.... YOU WANT ME TO DROP SJAB.. I'LL DROP!!!! YOU WANT ME TO DROP MY DREAMS!!!! I'M WILLING !!! YOU WANT ME TO GO AND DIE!!!! I'M ALSO WILLING... JUST COME BACK TO ME... COS I AM NOTHING WITHOUT YOU...

Touching Story...

2005-01-05T00:08:00.000+08:00

:::-::-: ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn ..I wIll sUrvIvE.. :-::-:::

Well... It almost sounded like what Pei bing and I faced... Someone who have face the same problem but managed to overcome it while we 2 could not... Haiz...

I have received this article and found it worth to read.. Especially those marriages involving a third party. Most of the time, we take our marriages for granted which result the marriage to be dull and bored. Third Party usually get involved due to these reason. Most of us got married bcos we love each other and willing to commit together. Is really sad to give up due to another 3 party party.

Hereby, i would like to share this article with you.

To my married and unmarried friends:

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped
in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out
of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then
plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid,
I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were
steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a
civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost
at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was
more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from
behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This
was
the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs. Her
words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife
said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.
Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my
wife. But I couldn t help doing so.

I moved Dew s hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture,
O.K.? I ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was
unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the
moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used
to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No
matter
how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly,
she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was
sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched
TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew s
body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what
will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.
Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from
her. I couldn t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was
serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all
the
staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide
something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She
gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live
together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I ve got something
to tell you, I said.

She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic
calmly.

She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me
softly, why? . I m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called
answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at
me, you are not a man! .

At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew
she
wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could
hardly
give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She
glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.
The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger
one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected
to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of
divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and
clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her
writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I
found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything from
me,
but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in
the month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason
was
simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she
didn t want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do
you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?
This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.
I nodded and said, I remember . You carried me in your arms , she
continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your
arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you
must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished
to end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face
the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made
me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn t had any body contact since my divorce intention
was
explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when
I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son
clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words
brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then
to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed
her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son.
I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She
went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse.
I realized that I hadn t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a
long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine
wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is being
demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were
still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms.
The
visualization of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as,
where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking,
etc.
I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn t tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now.

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried
quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, All my
dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it
was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not
because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her
heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a
hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum out. He
said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an
essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and
hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would
change
my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded
my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came
back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.
Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold me
in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our life
was lack of such intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid
any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew
opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I m
serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no
fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce. My marriage life was boring
probably because she and I didn t value the details of life, not
because
we didn t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I
carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed
to
hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed
the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the
office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my
wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the
greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, I ll carry you out
every morning until we are old.

no idea what title to put on

2005-01-04T13:16:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

well... its another one of the few days.. morning wake up to go help out in sec 1 orientation.. well.. seems that most of the things last minute again.. .haiz.. I 'm suppose to ensure that there is no such thing as last minute things... haiz.. well.. seems that there should not be any problems with the orientation.

Well.. Came to school early!!! for once that i have came to school early. Only to find out that there will be a WT quiz (20%) from chapter 1-4 during the practical hours.(0900-1030) .

I'm kinda worried about how the corps is going on for the second half of the year, by than, all of the instructors and officerss will be studying... haiz... Looks like i have to train another batch of instructor to handle the first aid lessons on the 2nd half of the years...

Blog Updated...

2005-01-03T16:11:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Its not really much of an update.. Just change of background picture and Music.. This music.. More.. feeling... you can feel the flow of energy in it... Listen to it.. let your body go and flow into your world of imagination...

The old picture could not match the atmosphere of the song.. so I decided to change it.. Wanted something like Cars... but Could not find anything much.. so I decided to put naruto... The power that naruto has in that picture matched the song.. (Naurto power=energy)

Gosh.. Its so late.. I haven started to do anything yet... This is bad.. I got to do so many things and yet I'm still blogging here ... okie.. back to work...

Long time no write...

2005-01-02T23:50:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Hi everyone.. its 2005.. everyone Happy new year... I know i'm posting this kinda late.. oh well.. Well.. Sorry for not updating my blog..been busy attending meetings after meetings and guess what.. MY SMS PROGRAMS WORKS!!!! hah..only tester only.. haven started on doing the actual thing yet.. hahah

Well, My hand is currently better now.. I can control all the finger without much pain.

Work work work... Not much play for the next few weeks.. must be serious... my Final year project important... need to work on it...

Planned out 2005 SJAB calander ...hahah.. Well, If this plan goes well.. this would be my last year in SJAB.. Seriously... There isn;t much reason to say.. Teacher and principal also say we can't stay long... oh well.. Just do this well.. do my job well... see celeste .. the batch that i started leading ... goes off to their O level :) I finally did finish my job.. Once this batch goes to studies.. I can move on with life.. Off to my Cycling club and Peer support club.. hahah...

Sjab.. is so lousy... Red cross 2 weeks...10 Million on growing.. SJAB? two weeks.. only few tens of thousand... haiz... seriously considering to go over to red cross.. SJAB is a dying organisation...

oh well.. Got to go back to work... see ya guys

What a morning and afternoon...

2004-12-31T14:10:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

I was suppose to wake uo at 7.30am but end up I only drag myself out of bed at 8.45... I'm suppose to do the brand new day thingy.. but Screwed up again. got to school at 9.45.(I was suppose to be at school at 9.00) Oh well.. My friend did not even do anything while I was not around..Man.. I hate this...

Attended WISP Leaturer.. Today's topic was on War and Peace. Well... Didn't listen much as I was meddling with my laptop and was talking to Lina... :P Sorry Leaturer... Well.. We also watch two movies on war and how it really looked like.. One example was the movie "Saving Private Ryan"... Damm Disgusting... See all the body parts flying around.. Trust me.. Without my SJ experience.. It cann really turn some ppl off.

Suppose to meet Miss Yeng at 2. Looks like i'm going to be late.. Its not really my fault.. I was walking down the overhead bridge before I slip and fell( what damm luck). Lucky i fell in my butt... My laptop.... haiz... still working... but got to be careful.. No cracks but hope it still works. My new bag turn black due to the black water... haiz... MY NEW BAG!@!!!! I still have the pain on my spine and sitting down still hurts. My right hand is swollen due to the deep cuts that I had on it.. I still cannot control my 3rd 4th and 5th finger well.. haiz...

This is the last day... and I'm Still so unlucky.... What the fuck is happening.... Urgh...

Another day has passed....

2004-12-30T19:32:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Well.. hmm... Woke up today only to find out that the workers ain't coming today to fix on the table tops for my kitchen... Mum was so pissed with the workmanship that the company had.. $2000 for the cabinets... I think it only cost a few hundreds... haiz.. I believe you can image how that bad it is.

Waiting the Yong Wei to call me to settle the book.. he told me that he will be hopping over to my house to settle the book.. Well.. For your info.. I tried calling him but untill now HE IS STILL NOT REPLYING MY CALLSSSSS!!!!!! Grrr....

Well.. Moving ahead with my FYP... Well.. My Panasonic x68 HAS NO DRIVER MANAGER... called panasonic to confirm that ... haiz.. brought the wrong phone again.. how the hell would I know that not all phones have Driver Manager loaded into them. Kinda dumb.. Its only like another 20-30 lines of code.. .They are so lazy... hahah... :P

End up I borrow Shu jian's phone for the week end for testing. Bo bian.. Looks like I have to sell my x68 to get another nokia phone. I interested to get an x70.. got blue tooth. Bigger screen, got other screen and Flash light and etc.. but.. haiz... must spend $$ again.. Anyone here got $$ want to sponser my project..hahah Well... eat less loh.. .Haiz.. this project so expansive.. Expansive lesson.

Still having problem trying to concentrate.. Maybe I should excercise more.. I still feel that Stone in me.. Wonder when it will be remove (When she comes back to me?? Most prob. bar..) I didn't SMS to her today. She's prob with someone outside now.. Can't blame her. She wants carefree life. All I can hope is that she is happy and safe. Thats all I ask for. I'll back off awhile for me to cool down ... Don't want to give her anymore stress.. When she is ready, she will contact me.. If she never contacts me again. Means.. Wen Sheng is taking care of her.. Well.. Poly, Breakup and cannot patch.. hmmm.. Reminds me of the dream that I had. *srugs*

Got a headache trying to understand why Shu jian phone cannot read SMS from SIM card.... After doing so long..I was so stupit.. My SIM Card has no memory cos I deleted everything before passing it over to shu jian.... Of course cannot read.... cos there was nothing to read. I enabled Handphone flash memory as well.. so I could read all the SMS . Nothing wrong with my coding.Its a Simple mistake.. I should add that in my Analysis...

Not eating well for the past few days.. (Surviving of Potato chips and Instant noodles) Who care right?? Tummy not really feeling the best now... *poisoned by High Salt intake* well.. No one cares anyway...

I already Masted how to play a the funeral song from Naruto Anime on the piano.. I must have played like over 10 hrs over the past few days..I pity my neighbours.. Sorry... I just have that song on my head andI'm trying to get it out... Promise that it will stop soon?? heee... Suminasay...

SMS everyone to meet on Sunday.. only Sam and Jia wei reply.. hmmm..that's strange... what happen to the rest?? Got washed off by the tusumi?? :X

Its just a song

2004-12-29T20:51:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Well... I dun mean the I dun want you back part.. Its part of the song.. but I dun mean that part.

I dun hate you either... You want to be friends... I also just want to be friends... Fate shall place us together again if we are really meant to be...

You already dun even reply my sms anymore.. so oh well..

Fuck It (I Dun want you back)

2004-12-29T18:16:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Haha... Love this song.. Damm crude... Well.. The front part is how I feel.. Describe so clearly... now its really.. Fuck it...

Situation has changed.. Its now a race againts time.. The stone that weights me out has to be removed. Miss Yeng called me.. This is panic time.. Haiz.. Alot of replanning has to be done

Daniel back out as acting OIC .... Now I have to take back this again. haiz...

Watch movie .. but still cannot get the stone out

Slept for 18 hrs.. miss all my lesson today... haiz... going to get warning letter

Am I turning gay??

2004-12-28T02:12:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Haha.. To think about it... I think I am... I have no longer any interest in any girls. Not even on the streets.. My friend nearly killed me just now cos he was trying to bird watch and I was going like...Ya... um.... orh... Huh... I spend time with lots of guys now.. My all Guy Clan, Yong Wei , Ent. Group like Adrian, class mates like samuel and melvin, SJAB ppl like Daniel and gang.. Other than San Dong and Samantha... Who I dun really treat them as girls.. Cos an All guy gang..

I begining to stop watching shows that have ladies and I tend to turn away from a ladies also.. Poor sales lady... I just walked away..

I still talk to my lady cadets but most of the time is either bonding or work... Friends whom I meet on the streets which is really just Hi and Bye..

I been watching Central more than anything else .. Kids Central and Discovery... hahah... Well.. There is no ladies inside anyway... just cartoons and animals.. kinda yucky just now... got one lizard squirt blood from eye... Puke...

Tired...

2004-12-28T02:03:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Came home feeling cold and headache..I used up just too much of my strength today doing all the stuff.. Never used myself till such an extend ... Brain nearly exploded... Oh well.. Who care if it explodes right?? Not as if anyone will come and put humpty dumpty back again.

Well. I just bath and watch TV and play game for the rest of the night.. I need to conserve usage for tomorrow.. haiz.. I dun want to burn out so early.Want to burn out, Have to wait to march where the FYP is finished.

She takes it so well.. While I still dream... No.. Not dream... While I still have my nightmare... I still can't take the look of the photos or even a TV show of any Ladies involved.. I guess I'll be a gay for alittle while longer...*shugs*

Just another day....

2004-12-27T20:54:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Just had my dinner and now starting on my FYP. Hope to complete all my research session today. Well. I spent alot today.. thats bad...

$5- Cab
$5- Breakfast
$3-Lunch
$3- Dinner

haiz... spend like money like water like that... I want my kitchen back so that I can eat home food again... Haiz...

So after lunch, I went to meddle with my blog.. Notice the song has changed?? hee... Well. Its really a nice song..I'm going to learn how to play this song tomorrow on my own piano... I listen till I think i got more or less the keys.

Daniel arrived about 4.30 and we discuss our plan (Tok cock more) till 8.30... laugh untill tummy and Cheek pain... crack so much jokes and esp. about Kakashi joke.. Those naruto fan... who wants to know... leave me a tag. hahah

Well.. he stayed with her again today.. I dun even know if we would ever be able to go out again. it seems like so far now... she does not even concentrate on the conversation anymore. haiz... what can i do...

Headache

2004-12-27T14:04:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Just had my lunch... What a day.. I woke up at 7.40am.. Late again... Haiz.. have to meet moony at 8.30am... end up have to take cab over...Haiz.. so expansive... When I went over.. Haiz.. Moony pass me the stuff but I have no idea how to show adrian... Its all half done... haiz... date due lao.. still like that... Bo bian...Well, Had Big breakfast for breakfast. well, I wanted to have a place to sit down while I could read till 10++ so that I can go down to meet adrian. There was this siao uncle talking to me.. I hack care him... talking about donation... Why should we donate... Haiz... He sounds dammed pissed...

I notice I feel like puking everything i drink Mac. coffee...Esp if i put extra creamer... hmm...

Went over to adrian there...showed him what we have..he also sian 1/2 .. who will not... Urgh... Hate that feeling... We just talk and talk and talk and try to see what we can do.. Haha... he keep going "sae le sae le..." (Meaning Die lao ...)

Looking at the amount of work.. I dun think i'm ever going to rest again.. I dun want to have work.. I promise to keep myself free... for her... but this yong wei... just dumped everything to me... fucking hell... wait she said i dun keep my word... haiz.. dun know lah.. I just have to do cos he told adrain i now incharge of the book.... I dun want to be incharge of it.. but he say no choice... haiz..

Hate Memory Flashes....

2004-12-27T01:53:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Went throught what I should be transfering to my desktop so that I can format my Laptop... I saw alot of her pictures and stuff that is her in my laptop and something that caught my attention. The wallpaper that she created for me... Haiz... Suddenly My mind starts to flash back again.. I can't Stop these flashes... Why can I take care of her when I'm Important to her... Urgh...

I seriously hate myself... Being so fucking retarted... I can have everything in this world but her... And I hate to be so weak.. so desperate.. .so fucking idoit...

Can I knock my head so that I can forget everything....

Low Concentration

2004-12-26T18:56:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Hmm.. It took me a whole 2 hrs just to write down what I need to do.. and did alot of non needed stuff during that time too.. Wonder where my concentration went to... I remember Tony robbins said about Pleasure and Pain issue... I cannot find that pain.... to make me work harder.... thats bad... haiz.... I have written out what I need to do but not a detail plan yet.. I'm going to take a bath now and eat my dinner before starting on detail planning.... Must do it...

I'm going to buy diet pills... My mother warned me not to do so but despite that.. I need to lose weight... Haiz... Heard diet pills got lots of side effects... well.. one step at the time.. I need to lose weight before NS starts .

Boxing Day...

2004-12-26T14:17:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

What boxing day, I didn't even recieve any presents on christmas day... other than the one I bought for myself... (Pizza..) I can't box pizza right?? Oh well.. .Sucky Christmas... I hate every minute of this christmas.

I get to get moving... Yong Wei mention that if I ever wanted to get out of this shit... I need to take the first step of getting out ....

Going to have to replan my plans for the next few months. I need to get out of my comfort zone.

I can stand strong to anything other than matters to heart. Why??? A leader...affected by feelings..... Will cause the rest to suffer as well... URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SMS her like hell lao she still not replying my sms... What does she expect from me... I know I didn't tell her about the camp... Who knows what happened during then... I know lots of thing happen on my side but I haven had a chance to talk to her yet... For the whole week... Haiz......... Heard she went out with HIM..... asshole.....

Anyone here tried out loving someone but the person just won't love you back?? She was different.. She was loved.. Just that she didn't feel it... and expect me to know... hell would I know... I'm not a computer who can read your mind...

I don't want to think about it.. I Just want to settle my book,clan,SJGroup,FYP and all others. Who needs love anymore.. I be stone cold untill NS over... I be stone cold still someone wants me again... I hate love... I hate you...I hate everyone who hurt me... I hate this life... I hate this world...

I need to find a restart button to press and get restarted again.. The only way to do so is to find a new pillor of support. But the more I look for it, the more I feel desolated...

Plan Plan plan plan plan ... Success is making a initivative to plan, calculated risk and success.....

Where is my fighting spirit... Where is my fire... I'm in total darkness... I need the light... Darkness is engoufing me... I losing my strength every day that i Speak of...

Can anyone be my light at this dark times???

Take a look at this...

2004-12-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Take a look at this....

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/ddautta.php

Christmas

2004-12-25T17:21:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Well, This is the most boring christmas I ever had. Stayed at home the whole day, No one at home except me and my lap top. First Christmas spent without Peibing. She is still happy partying away while i sit here to rot. Its not so bad... Get to rot.. I haven rot for a long time. just sit down... you know .. do nothing.. Watch TV ...ordered pizza for lunch and dinner... hahah... this is life.. no stress, no worries, nothing at all. I just want to foget about SJAB, Peibing, School Work, Life problems.. Just let go..... Let it all go.....

Listening to Linkin Park - Pushing me away... (Reanimation Version)

I love that song.. the lyric is just so right .... Everything is just pushing me away...

Pre Christmas

2004-12-24T21:16:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Slept at 4am this morning. Never ever plan for a camp without doing your project first. Lucky I was "Trained" by the camp to take long hours.

My phone rang at 8.15am... As usual.. Late again. I was suppose to be the one presenting... Die...Rush to class only to find out that my leaturer decided to postpone it to 2 weeks later... Grrr.... "Too Good" Student for him lao

Went to WISP Module after that. We were talking about race and critism. We were reading a forum... man... that poster was damm pissed...

SMS Every Instructor if they interested to watch Stephen Chow Movie. But only Sam, Daniel,Sandong and lizhi reply say okie to watch. Nic going to watch it with his Collegues and JW and JH did not answer... the two J (j=jokers) heee... No hard feelings..

SMS Finish.. .I SEE DANIEL BESIDE ME!!! GHOST!!!! PENGz.... Well, we planned to meet up at my house but he was at the bus stop outside Ngee ANN!!!!! scary...

Well, reached home to see that everyone was leaving the house ( Second sis going for meditation camp , Mami going to work)

House Under renovation, So I had to come back and watch them

Well, This uncle is much better than the last one that came to access the situation. you see, There is a problem with the circults in the kitchen.Every time i wash the floor, it house get short circult. Something must have went wrong during the hacking of tiles during the renovation.

Spend the rest of the day with daniel, eat and play pool... we 2 skills went down the drain...

well.. came home to zzz till next morning

I'm more confused than ever.

2004-12-23T22:37:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

I thought this camp would be a leisure camp and I can take a break. Looks like I'm wrong. I'm now more confused than ever. I failed in the camp as well. I messed up my feelings as well. I neglated Pei Bing as I couldn't SMS in camp. Urgh... What the fucking hell am I doing to myself??? Why am I feeling so Messed up???

I just wished that there is a reset button somewhere that I can press and everything will be wonderful again

Peibing is out with Wen sheng again. How much more I can take ...

Listening to EverClear- Everything is wonderful now.

I just wish to really open my eyes again and everything is wonderful again.

::::Lyrics ::::
http://www.lyricsdomain.com/5/everclear/wonderful.html

My review

2004-12-23T15:24:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Well, I did consider for the last few days about the possiblilty of it happening. Only time will tell. Buts its all ST. John. Nothing else. Believe me. After this camp, high chance the amount of communication will dropped to very low. Over the next few days I'll keep a low profile and see what happens. Interest is still a problem and it not part of the expectation. I still have NS and there is just too many things still so unclear. haiz. Maybe i should just give up. Nar. I'll let nature takes it course. Its also too early to go back into it . especially it was a 2 yrs issue. I'm just gullable. Understand the concquenses if this goes wrong.

Daniel Review

2004-12-23T15:19:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Mindset

Attitude

Limiting Mindsets

Objective and goals

Support

Camp review ...

2004-12-23T14:58:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

I really need a break. A fresh start. It seems that I can't even get the objective right anymore. Without an Objective, Any activity goes no where. Its bound to fail if there is no objective and we should work towards that objective.

Second problem . My cadets are just so hook up with their own gang. Shu jian and Zhong Hwee was so neglated while Celeste and gang did their own stuff. We tried to tempt them together by using water bombs but they still did not work together in the end. Haiz.. Another failed atempt.

Even my instructors are also hooking up into their own gang. I had to keep calling meetings to get them together.

It should be when you are hungry and you are going out to buy food, Ask all the instructor.

It should be always in a one group. Get anyone who is not in your group to join your group.

I posted this question to my instructors. If we are going to work with each other and not know the person under the skin, what makes this team substainable when i'm in NS?

Conflicts begains with miscommunication. If we don't know each other well enough, What makes us different from the cadets we keep nagging when we too do the same?

Sexism is still a problem with the instructors and the cadets. Sandong was also quite left out. Despite my attempts to get my instructors together.

It takes two hands to clap. I hope that my meeting yesterday with them would wake them up.

Had a water game with my own instructors after my cadets sleep. It seems that they like to sabo me. hahah Highest rank must sabo attitude. But we get to know some stuff like sandong has a need to do more planning. Jun hao 's idea is to be more of an leaturer than an instructor and many more.

I carry the team with me. Its my wish and its my job. I'm Still here because of them and will always be for they are the people that when I'm in need, They are here for me.

Sleepy...

2004-12-21T16:25:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Slept from 7-11am... 4 hrs only.. Damm Tired now. Well...This is my last event with SJAB that I'm going to organise. After this, I'll step down and let daniel handle the corps. *Trip Down memory lane* I haven finish my Tutorial at that time. Haiz. Went to School to copy. Its not really my fault. This Tutorial needs research which you have to go onto the internet. I learn my lesson. I'll never wait till the last minute to do my tutorial again. Well today's tutorial was kinda short. Finished the whole damm thing in 1/2 an hour time.

Went to canteen 3 for a break and had a cup of coffee and 2 pcs of Roti Prata. The curry sucks.. Even Maggi Mee Seasoning pack is better than it. x_X Pei Bing came over later to take my Zircon Phone. Well, I did'nt know how to react. So I put up my Hack care attitude again.. Haiz.. Hope I did't give her a wrong impression again

What a day...

2004-12-21T05:42:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

What a day it was today. I didn't know that I had to go to school today till Melvin told me. I was shocked because I planned to do so much other things..But In the end, All never do. Haiz.. Need to practice control and discpline for my timetable.

I message Peibing today. Sms going to sky high lao. My phone bill is $70++ at the moment. Haiz. Well, I know she like my zircon phone because there are alot of games in it .As I would not be using it for the next few months( Using my panasonic x68 at the moment. ) I decided to lent it to her to help me safe guard, and let her play with it. Meeting her on tuesday 12.30 pm at the library to pass it to her.

San Dong called me later asking if we could stay overnight in school on tuesday. I didn't manage to call Miss Yeng yet. So I told her after her work shift, I will call her again. Well.. After that we talk trash. Hahah... She was eating Tom yum flavored Instant Noodles. Yuckz... Hahah ...Kinda.... erm... Hate that taste. hahah. She was eating her dinner. (Guess what time it was.. 3pm). While talking trash. I went to ask her what to wear for school.I'm worse than a girl.. Take so long to chose a shirt to wear. Its not really my fault. Hestitating to wear the normal stuff to school. Want to look different. End up wearing Ngee Ann ICT Shirt instead. HAHAH.....

I was late for the FYP Briefing. Lucky for me, the projector spoil. So I didn't miss much when I reach there. Heng. Quite crapy Briefing cos the FAQ was more like common sense question. But the motivational talk was good. Copied down alot of main points. I like the speaker as well. Singaporean way of speaking but still able to capture our hearts. He always says that he is like our father... Made me miss my father. I wonder how different I would be if my dad was still around. Would the family be more loving?

Went to watch National Treasure After that at Clementi. I was so hungry that I bought a 2 pcs chicken meal and a large colstraw ... yum.. But I made the whole entire theater smell like chicken. hahah.. My friend mouth watered all the way.

The show was quite lame as .... No way anyone can obtain such a treasure at the first place and it took over 3 generation to get to the treasure. The actress is kinda cute....hahah.. Ops... She just have a pretty face thats all.. nothing more. the Main actor also quite brainy... Nicholes cage. well.. I like the director way of filming. Able to me keep to the edge of the seat while there isn't any fast pace action.

This is where i get super busy.

Went to meet Celeste and Shu jian to go over the orientation program one more time. This is to prevent any major changes again after the rehersal. They have to squeeze their timing as they only have 2 days to settle the activity. we disucss from 11-12.30 . Sandong had to wait for me to finish talking to both of them before i could call her to settle the gathering issue.

Haiz.. got nagged by Miss yeng.. Long Story.. dun want to type..hahah...

Celeste was so red.. she looks eatable. hahahah I notice that all 3 of us wore the same type of specs as well. Scary.. hahah

Had to walk home later on as there was no bus. along the way, I nearly got stopped by the police. I must have looked like a gangster.. hahaha

Spoke with San dong till 1.20 am ... She was so tired.. she could not even talk properly. hahah... Oh well. at least we settled our stuff. Might be going over to her house to prepare the gathering stuff on tuesday night.

Called Daniel to tell him the agenda of discussion and get him to submit the outcome by tomorrow.

I thought I was going to sleep very late today. So I drank coffee to keep awake. Its not that I dun want to sleep now. Its I cannot sleep. Coffee was the extra strong type. haiz... regret...

re do my FYP proposal so that I could add on what I researched on during my Holidays. I thought there would be alot of things to add on but there wasn;t .... Got cheated... I wrote most of the things the other time.

Settled the Gathering schedule and the Food stuff. By that time, My eyes hurt quite badly so I decided to sleep and do the rest tomorrow but I cant sleep cos the coffee effect is still there. Sian.. So here I am updating my blog cos I can;t get to sleep.... WaH@!!!!!

Looks Like I still can;t leave as aplanned.. Daniel still wants me to settle a few more stuff. After settling those stuff. I going to concentrate on my FYP.

Hmm.. Dun know what Peibing was doing the whole night.... I want to know.. :P... Hope she not angry that I made myself busy.ITs not really my fault. My horoscope says that I'll be very busy this week...

Morning Attack

2004-12-20T13:29:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

Attacked my Memory flashes again. I hate this type of things. Tauting me at something that I cannot get.It just flashes without my control. Hugging her, Joking with her... All just started flashing again. Urgh...

She says I'm important to her... Yet She is just not willing to patch up. I really have no idea why... Is wen sheng really what she wants? Is she talking to me and saying all this just because of Guilt? I have no idea.. The solution was simple to both side. Just patch up. But she doesnt want. Urgh..

I don't know how long I can go on taking this...

Death Is only the removal of the soul trapped in a body.

2004-12-20T13:01:00.000+08:00

-=:::ThE ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn...:::=-

First Page of Home section of the Straits time Singapore. Grace Chow. a 32 year old computer programmer, left us yesterday to meet the lord. She was diagnosed with a rare tumor three years ago. She strong Willpower let her do the impossible . Writing a book, a blog, and so much more.

Let us have a minute of silence in reflection of Grace Chow.

Her Blog Site is http://dyingis.blogspot.com

ReVoLuTiOn Of WiLsOn

What kind of fucking family is this?

Words of Wisdom

Why?

6 Needs of a human by Anthony Robbins

A Train of thoughts

What i'm doing now?

Words

A Early morning post

Whats My Calling??

Happy Birthday to me...

3 Down, 1 more to go...

Short and Sweet post as I'm mugging for exam tomorrow

Back to school after recess week

Family in Shambles

Why can't I discpline myself

Guess who's back

27-31th March 2006

3 months later...

1st Day of 2006

Long Long No Updates?? Here I go again

Update to recent

recent update

Its super quiet

Discpline...

NP Result Slip

Star Trek day

Work and Play.... Work and Play... I want to balance my life...

TV day

SJAB Day

What a day...

Slacking still

Rested...

Its going to be a long blog

Part 2...

Sunday , 15th - 20th March 2005

YAY!!! FYP IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm never trust love again...

I'm Your Angel

So lost... Just so Confused

FYP ( Programming ) Is finally Over..

What a past

I'm so disgusted with myself

are we in another world when we dream??

Sleepy? *nods head*

what a mad rush

Sleepy

Maroon 5

Messy...

Wonder why i am so happy today...

My Worst V day in my entire life

Another day has passed

17 more days to FYP

It been a long time

What does it have to hurt so bad??

lalalala...

am i in for depression???

What a boring day...

Internet's back again

Internet's back again

Long Time no updates

6 KM run

ITs all over...

Hmm...

Anastacia << Left Outside Alone>> The song on my blog

I question everyone...

What a day.. What a day...

3 days...

Naruto is so cool...

Long weekend

First Half of the day

What a strange day

Traffic jam..

Ingore this.. Just let me get it off my chest... Esp Pei Bing.. Dun read it...you will regret if you do..

Touching Story...

no idea what title to put on

Blog Updated...

Long time no write...

What a morning and afternoon...

Another day has passed....

Sleepy? nods head